“Grrrrreat! My phone died.” Herbert fussed.
“So, recharge it,” Madge advised from her side of the bed.
“No, it’s not dead, I mean its dead-dead.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Dead can be recharged.”
“So – dead is not really dead?”
“Right. But dead-dead means it’s totally dead. It will never live again.”
With exasperation fueling his voice, Herbert mused. “I know, maybe I should take it to Miracle Max.”
Against her better judgment, Madge asked, “Who, pray tell, is Miracle Max?” .
“Remember the character from the Princess Bride? If anyone could bring someone back to life, it was Miracle Max. He can tell me if my phone is dead-dead, really dead, merely dead or just mostly dead. And he has a shop right here in our town.”
“If it will get you to quit whining, then take it to Max.”
“It’s not whining. It’s an extended expression of frustration.” Herbert explained as he settled into bed.
“Here is my phone with your alarm time set.”
“Thanks. I won’t sleep through tomorrow, then. It is possible that if the alarm does not go off, that I will never wake up.”
The next day:
“I’m going down to Miracle Max’s Miracle Emporium and Fix It Shop.”
“Ok, have fun, dear.”
At Miracle Max’s:
“Good morning, may I help you?” said the bespectacled mousey little man behind the too-tall counter.
“Are you Miracle Max?”
“Asker, that’s the name of the cat that just hopped up here on the counter.”
“Asker?” Herbert asked as he petted the tortoise shell calico cat.
“Asker. You wanna know her name? Ask her, get it? Hahahaha.”
“I need to know that you are Miracle Max, because I need a miracle.”
“Sorry, I am Miracle Micky. There never was a Max.”
“Why don’t you call the place Miracle Micky’s then?” Herbert reconsidered his question after noticing Miracle Micky’s mousy stature. “Never mind, I understand.”
“Let me see it – hmmmm, umhmmm,” said Miracle Micky as he took one long noisy sniff of the phone.
“Can you smell the life in it?” Herbert queried.
“No, I just have a stuffy nose, can’t smell a thing. Allergies, you know – ” as he looked at the cat accusingly.
“Let me access its life force compartment…” Miracle Micky opened the phone and removed the battery and massaged it vigorously between his hands.
“So – what do you think?”
“Nothing!” An elderly woman’s voice stretched to the maximum pierced the air from the back room. “He thinks nothing. I have tested it and proven that he thinks nothing. He has never had a true thought in his life. He only says its privileged information because it is nothing and he doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“Who was that?” Herbert asked looking around the storefront.
“Ask her. Hehehehehe – “
“I know it isn’t the cat.”
“I didn’t say ask Asker, I told you to ask her – never mind.” Miracle Micky reinstalled the battery and explained. “I have performed some miraculous things to the misconstrudium ridiculoid apparaticus.”
“I didn’t see you do anything,” challenged Herbert.
“That is the thing about miracles, no one can see them,” explained Miracle Micky. “There you go, now try it, turn it on.”
Chimes sounded and the phone booted up perfectly. “Wow, it’s a miracle.”
“Thank you. That will be a total of – “
“It’s not a mi, it wasn’t dead-dead. It was merely dead. You can’t charge him for a non-miracle,” the screechy voice sounded again.
“Quiet! The question is: Do you, sir, feel a miracle has occurred today?”
“Well, yes I do. I thought the phone was forever dead. I was ready to go into an extended period of extreme frustration over this. You saved the day!”
“There ya go, woman! Another miracle has been performed by Miracle Micky!” As he slid the invoice toward Herbert, which he paid.
As he turned to leave, he called Madge on his newly revived cell phone, “You wouldn’t believe it! It’s a miracle, my phone is alive.Yes, yes – yup – it was merely dead, not dead-dead. No, I didn’t see what he did – you can’t see a miracle, you know.”
“Is she as thrilled as you are about the miracle?” asked Miracle Micky.
Herbert offered his phone to Miracle Micky and said, “Ask her.” However, Herbert couldn’t mimic the laugh as he walked out the door.