About Being human isn’t as easy as it used to be; it now requires gadgetry. Speaking as one who can barely operate a can-opener without risk of dismemberment, I would like to formally protest the ever-escalating onslaught of technological frippery that threatens far more than … [Read more...]

Nurse: Briefly describe your pain. Me: Ouch. Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain? Me: I dunno...where's your scale? Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale... Me: Okay! 180 butt-naked. Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam? Me: Well, me and … [Read more...]

I recently went to the wedding of a nephew in my home town. Of all of the times I’ve visited home, I’ve never met any of my old female flames. Oh, I never tried to look them up, as phone books are no help since women usually change their last names for some reason. The internet … [Read more...]

I’m not referring to store or business openings. I’m incensed over the infuriating activity of opening things like boxes, packages, bottles, cans et cetera. It’s like every marketer in the world is trying to keep you from their product. Oh, not from buying it, just from opening … [Read more...]

It has been three days and it's hard for me to accept that Duncan has traveled into the ephemeral dream Descartes may or may not have had – in other words, dead. I was present for the cremation and at his daughter’s request, brought a pair of Nunchucks and the actor Taimak, but … [Read more...]