It was during lunch with my cousin Marcus when my inability to pay for a small kumquat reminded me of all the high interest mortgages out there and the difficulty folks are having in making those payments. While kumquats and mortgages are as dissimilar as Marcus and bathing, I … [Read more...]

Celebrities writing children’s books are to the 00’s what celebrities' “cutting albums” were to the 80’s. (Which reminds me: Thank you, Eddie Murphy, Don Johnson and Bruce Willis for sparing us your Seussian-like literary wisdom so far.) To me these tossed off afterthoughts of a … [Read more...]

‘Twas the night before Jesus day and all through the McMansion Not a hired helper was complaining about their small Christmas pension. The silk stockings were hung by the butler with care In hopes that his own might someday be there. Back from boarding school, the children were … [Read more...]

Welcome to your local national park. In response to recent changes, the National Park Service and the National Rifle Association (motto: Guns Don’t Kill, People Do) have formulated the following guidelines to make your visit safe and enjoyable. 1. All duels to the death must be … [Read more...]

It was Friday, and I was making my weekly Taco Bell trip to delve into the land of beef and nacho cheese: paradise in a taco shell. Taco Bell is what gets me out of bed in the morning, and after a long sleepless week, a bite out of a freshly assembled Chalupa is like a little … [Read more...]