"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2005
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2005 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Fling Shui for Beginners
By Jennifer Brown,
It was the dead of winter and something about the yogurt splashed on my living room walls was depressing me, so I decided to take
Keeping The Home Fires Burning
By Ami Peltier,
Since the dawn of civilization, men have been waging war, traveling thousands of miles from home and leaving their beloved spouses behind for months at
Weathering Mommyhood
By Jennifer Karin,
Dear Zen Mother, I am expecting my first child and can’t decide whether I should stay at home or return to work. What should I
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2005 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Strong Like A Woman
By Lisa Barker,
I don’t know where people got the impression that women were the weaker sex, especially when you consider that many women today (and always) gestate,
Pet Peeves
By Charla Belinski,
My oldest son started asking for a dog shortly after birth. Considering that my husband’s lungs shut down at the mention of a dog, I
Santa Claus Resigns
By Ken Bobrosky,
A press release, just in from the North Pole, has shaken the globe. The release indicates Mr. S. Claus has submitted his resignation unless his
The Hare and Now of Pregnancy Testing
By Susan Boskat Murray,
Long before the Million Man March, war protests and gay pride demonstrations, the SGSH (Small Group of Scared Hares) hopped to Washington in protest of
Evil Pants
By Noreen Braman,
There is nothing new in the statement that we humans sometimes adorn ourselves in ridiculous and dangerous fashions. We can trace this directly back to
Fresnitis
By Michael Corey,
One of the most divisive issues in America's modern political landscape is the problem of Fresno birth. No other question so enrages the Front Wing
Pick-Up Protocol
By Cindy Dwyer,
Watching my husband drive his new pick-up truck, I realized that checking out another pick-up seemed to rank right up there with checking out a
News Flash for All Single Women
By Joan Geary,
Single women of the world, rejoice! Ms. “Above-average, 46-year-old SDF looking for a SWM age 40-55 for LTR”, it’s your Red Letter Day! According to
Coming Unglued
By Conor Grennan,
I hate Super Glue, and you should too. Whatever you think you know about it, you’re wrong. It is pure evil. Look, I’ve seen the
The Fickle Muse
By Mark Hawthorne,
Paris, 1923. Hemingway broods over a series of staccato sentences he’s just composed. The next sentence eludes him, although he’s pretty sure it will have
A Claus-et Case
By Jennifer Karin,
Dear Zen Mother, Every November I am filled with holiday dread. The shopping, the cooking, the relatives -– it’s so much to handle. What can
Emergency Hip Replacement
By Jennifer Karin,
Dear Zen Mother, My kids think I am the biggest nerd. I used to be cool. What happened? Jessica from Amesbury - - - -
Near-Death Experiences
By Jennifer Karin,
Dear Zen Mother, I turn 40 next month. I feel great but my friends and coworkers keep making these terrible over the hill jokes. I
Fat Christmas
By Danielle LaBue,
New Years Day -- 9:02 a.m. Naked and angry in my master bathroom ... You stupid thing! I DO NOT WEIGH THIS MUCH! I lean
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2005 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Tried and Convicted: One Mouth's Story
By Karen Casale,
A bright light blares into my eyeballs. “You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to a thorough cleaning.” The suspect: My
Not So Polished
By CJ Cornelius,
My husband is away on a business trip and I have been single parenting for the past two weeks. It's a shame my youngest child
Travel (Pillow) Warning
By Conor Grennan,
If you have ever owned one of those inflatable U-shaped travel pillows, the ones you wrap around your neck on long bus journeys, you will
Life's Big Parenting Mysteries
By Lori Johnson,
Life is full of mysteries: What is the meaning of life? Do beings exist on other planets? How can kids master a video game with
Mini-Vantage
By Jennifer Karin,
Dear Zen Mother, We are about to have our 3rd child and our car is not big enough to hold all of us. I hate
In Defense of Fruitcake
By Jerry S.,
There is sits, ladies and gentlemen, in all its succulent tradition, rich in history, rich in legend, and rich in calories and carbohydrates. Note, if
Yoga for Dummies
By Margie Smith,
I am more than halfway through a series of 12 Yoga classes. The brochure said it was for beginners. You’d think I would be getting
Turd In The Sink
By Marieke Van Der Wekken,
This is why all restaurants should have baby changing stations in their restrooms. I was having a fine tuna sandwich at a nice lunchroom with
Grandma, What A Strange Eye You Have
By Judi Veoukas,
A fly landed smack in my eye. It was most inconvenient because I was driving at the time. I shouted at it, swatted at it,
The Au Pair
By Hildee Weiss,
once thought I would need “help.” I don’t mean the professional kind with a couch in an office. I mean the help as in Mary
Thanksgiving In The Buff
By Lisa Barker,
This year we’re going naked for Thanksgiving. I think my two-year old has the right idea. Lately he has taken to walking around with just
What A Treat
By Charla Belinski,
I may not have a high-powered corporate position, but I certainly know what it’s like to be under pressure. You want to know the meaning
The Boss
By Tiffany Carboni,
My boss is a tyrant. She screams, flies off the handle, can’t effectively communicate her needs, and yet she expects me to work productively with
OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2005 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
If You See My 'Get Up And Go', Tell Me Where It Went!
By Lisa Barker,
January 2, 2016
You know those types of days. You have a nagging cold that isn’t big enough to keep you in bed, but it’s sure big enough
How Not To Invest
By Jessica Benes,
January 2, 2016
My sister and I bought a house together. Well, really due to my then-unemployment, she was the one on the mortgage and I was quitclaimed
Always Wear A Skirt
By Jacquelin Cangro,
January 2, 2016
It’s a hole. It’s a hole in the ground,” I shouted through the door to my sister who was patiently waiting her turn. “We talked
Search Me!
By Cindy Dwyer,
January 2, 2016
“Do I look like an evil, violent person?” I asked my husband. “Well, sometimes, like when you’re really hungry,” He answered, a little too honestly.
Wary of Dairy
By Jennifer Karin,
January 2, 2016
Dear Zen Mother, I have read so much about eliminating dairy from our diets. Do you think this is necessary? Linda from New Mexico -
Are You Ready For Some Football?
By Anne Lombardi,
January 2, 2016
So here we are -- the start of another football season. Rah Rah Rah ho-hum. Garett won the pool at work this week ($75). Good
Caffeine Buzz
By Alana Morales,
January 2, 2016
I get a buzz from working from home. Not from the adrenaline of being able to juggle 47 things at a time. Not from the
Hearing Can Be Fun
By Dick Partridge,
January 2, 2016
Many of us start to hear differently about the time that we also see differently. It goes with the territory when we’re past our prime.
Confessions of a Holiday Fake
By Jean Reidy,
January 2, 2016
It all started with the tree. I never liked Charlie Brown’s tree. I only liked Snoopy’s. Blame it on years of inhaling evergreen-scented artificial snow
Baby Sitting
By Margie Reins Smith,
January 2, 2016
Raising decent children is backbreaking, exhausting, thankless work. I’m glad I took the time to do it. It was touch and go for a while,
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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