"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
October-November 2007
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
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October-November 2007 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Constitution of the Laundry Room
By Karrie McAllister,
I, The Mom of this, The Laundry Room, in order to form a more perfect home, establish peace, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the remainder
What Do Troubled Teens and Ketchup Have In Common?
By George Waters,
Great literature is one of the joys of my life, especially when they turn it into a movie I can blaze through in two hours.
Roasting My Town
By Dan McGinley,
We moved to Ashford about five years ago. The first thing we noticed about Ashford is that it lacks an airport. The second thing we
Running On Kid Time
By Carol Band,
January 2, 2016
I recently celebrated my birthday and my oldest son (sweet boy) gave me a T-shirt that says, “In Dog Years, I'm Dead.” Nice. “Ha! You
Oven Cleaner and the Holidays
By Cy Creed,
Signs of the season are all around us. Christmas music in stores, catalogs invading our homes daily, houses with lights on them, annual suicide threats
October-November 2007 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Safety Devices
By Cameron Castle,
One of the many safety devices that Laura begged me to install, was the oven guard. This is one that I snapped to attention and
Jade Gets Muscles; Spokes-Hiney For Pancakes Resigns
By Jade Cody,
I’ve been married for four years — all to the same woman. But if I want to keep her around, I need to look less
Life Slows Down In The Fast Lane
By Burton Cole,,
Help! I am trapped in a fast-food line and I can't get out! I'm running late for work -- again -- so I whipped into
Love Potion No. 9
By Brad Manzo,
As I was typing away in my office a few weeks ago, I received a frantic call from my wife. “Help, come quick.” This was
Remote Control: Reincarnated
By Richelle Putnam,
In my second life I want to come back as a TV remote control. Why? If you’re a woman, need you ask? Better yet, if
Letter to a Very Rich Dog
By Brian Thompson,
Dear Leona Helmsley’s Dog, First off, let me just send my condolences and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. This must be
Double-Timed
By Christopher Yeager,
I just celebrated---if that’s the word--- my forty-fourth birthday. The guy with the scythe left early, but I still feel like I’ve blocked the plate
October-November 2007 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Middle-Age Spread is NOT a Condiment
By Victoria Milillo,
I weighed myself yesterday. I'm not sure if I was feeling lucky, or brave. One thing's for sure, nothing wakes you up quicker than stepping
What To Do When the Neighbor's Dogs Won't Stop Barking for Thirty-Three Nights in a Row
By John Sheirer,
1) Call the "will do odd jobs" guy whose number you found on the bulletin board at the supermarket. Offer him twenty bucks. He'll know
Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder, But What If No One Is Beholding?
By Judi Veoukas,
“Do these pants make my hips look wide?” I asked my husband as I stared horrified into the mirror. “Define what you mean by ‘wide,’
If Only I Could Remember What I Forgot
By Burton Cole,,
For years, I have feared that one day I will develop Alzheimer’s disease and nobody will notice. According to the latest research, I’m right. Goal-driven,
Grocery Shopping, Feminine Hygiene and My Daughter
By Len Di Gregorio,
My wife and I were shopping at a local grocery store recently, when our teenage daughter called us on her cell phone, asking us to
Spagmaphobics Unite
By Laurie Fabrizio,
With the onset of online shopping, I have fallen victim to the ease of Holiday ordering right from my computer. I confess I have become
Taste Test Tales
By Cathy C. Hall,,
Some families have scintillating dinner conversation. They discuss the pros and cons of nuclear proliferation, like Jimmy Carter and his daughter, Amy. Or they debate
The Paintbrush Calls
By Mary Kirchhoff,
I was getting new carpeting in my apartment, which was desperately needed. I’d been there for 10 years and it was kind of shoddy when
Simply Ducty
By Carol MacAllister,
A major news show reported: Man holds up a convenience store. His photo flashed across my television screen. To conceal his identify he wrapped his
Dog Sounds
By Dan McGinley,
Dog owners are used to certain sounds that can often send dog-less owners to the phone for a 9-1-1 call. For instance, a loud CRASHING
October-November 2007 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Eating Your Way To A Healthy Holiday
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
A multitude of Yule feasts are on the front burner and I will thank you very much NOT to sneak healthy stuff into my stuffing.
Up-Front Friends Use The Back Door
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Twice last week, sets of friends visited my home for the first time. In both cases, they fooled me completely. They knocked on the front
The Mets Approach MLB for a Shortened Season in 2008
By Len Di Gregorio,
January 2, 2016
The New York Mets have officially approached Major League Baseball, requesting a shorter season for 2008, citing that a 162 game season is just too
The "Scrooge" Intervention
By Laurie Fabrizio,
January 2, 2016
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…blowing the dust off of the Christmas boxes, rooting through piles of decorations, realizing that items previously considered
Watch Me!
By Mary Johnson,
January 2, 2016
Ah! Summertime -- the joy of sitting and relaxing, curling up and reading a book, taking a random nap whenever you choose. The joy of
The City That Never Greets
By Patty Kimerer,
January 2, 2016
Four years ago, I fell in love with New York City. Last November, I broke it off. You see, exactly one year ago, my husband
Road Warriors
By Don Lewis,
January 2, 2016
We live about a mile off the main road from Boondoggle to Fewmit here in Northern Idaho. Whenever we want to go into town, we
This Is What Happens When You Watch Too Many Episodes Of 24
By Jim Monti,
January 2, 2016
My second worst fear came true last week; a virus attacked my computer. (If a virus that turned my files into images of and songs
Christmas Tree Follies
By Cheryl O'Donovan,
January 2, 2016
Exasperated, he calls. The box will not fit inside his car. This is a van-sized mission. I must meet him in the parking lot of
Chew Chew: The Train Wreck Express
By Randy Richardson,
January 2, 2016
All aboard the Train Wreck Express, a trip that begins with the twinkle in a three-year-old boys' eyes. If you're a parent, you've surely ridden
Happy Tofurkey Day
By Rich Van Saders,
January 2, 2016
Thanksgiving Day is upon us. For many this day has become less about giving thanks and more about the food itself. The talk leading up
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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