"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
February-March 2006
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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February-March 2006 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Moral Outrage Of Co-Ed Showers
By Daniel Bain,
Modern men face a peril that didn’t exist twenty years ago: couples showers. How did this happen? At my recent baby shower, I had two
Car Go Vroom! (Most Of The Time)
By Gregg Podolski,
In retrospect, instead of dropping $900 on my first car, it would have been easier (and cheaper) to simply walk up to all the attractive
Kathleen Bowling
By California,
Who needs a Caribbean cruise or renovated kitchen when, for roughly the same price, you can enjoy an excruciating root canal complete with crown made
February-March 2006 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
The Consultation
By Sean Ellis,
After ten years of bearing the burden of birth control my wife decided that I should take on the responsibility for preventing another bundle of
The Birds, The Bees and Allergies
By Mark Jabo,
There are many things that you can tell people that you've developed that make you an interesting and sought after guest at parties. Things like
It's The End Of The World As We Know It... And I Feel Fine
By Mark Jabo,
Okay, people. Calm down. We've had a couple of snowstorms and a mudslide in the Philippines. It's not the end of the world. Although, that
Putting The Fun Back In Funerals
By Kathleen Keating,
The good news is that the average life expectancy is reportedly much longer than the generations that came and went before us. The bad news
Homework Bound
By Joel Schwartzberg,
Last week, my 6 year-old son’s homework assignment was to tell a personal story like early Native Americans did -- by drawing primitive symbols on
ValenTIME
By Joel Schwartzberg,
For my sister-in-law Jessica, February 14 is not only Valentine's Day, but also her birthday. This is fortunate for my brother, because it means one
February-March 2006 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Toilet Training Times Six
By Sara Schlussel,
I am not a plumber. I have no experience with weepy faucets, drippy pipes or trickling garden hoses. So why did G-d put me in
Advanced Studies In Creationism
By Ed Tasca,
To understand and appreciate the scientific principles underlying Creationism, it’s important to understand the advanced math behind it. For some this can be far too
The Man Who Looks Like Albert Einstein
By Ed Tasca,
It may be only a historical footnote that the bedraggled, stooped old man known as Albert Einstein was quite a sexual creature, based on most
Every Shopping Trip An Adventure
By Kathleen Bowling,
We had been out of toilet paper for so long that we had depleted our supply of suitable substitutes... Kleenex, napkins, fabric softener sheets. So,
Hearing (Electronic) Voices
By Noreen Braman,
I pride myself on the fact that, at my age, I am technically savvy, knowing my computer inside and out, and being able to assemble
The Latest Rage
By Faith Foyil,
God sat in front of his laptop computer staring intently at a color monitor that displayed a detailed view of the western hemisphere. His gnarled,
My Natural Disaster
By Margaret Howlett,
In 1989, Hurricane Hugo ripped through the Caribbean, leaving tremendous destruction in its wake. I was nine months pregnant at the time and living in
Outrunning Forty
By Denise Malloy,
“Guess what I want to do to celebrate my fortieth birthday?” My husband peered over the top of the newspaper. “I’m going to run a
The Nutrition Mom Who Needs To Be Resuscitated After Finding Out You Fed Her Child A Hotdog
By Lisa Perry,
Nutrition Moms can be annoying; however, if the truth be told, I am quite sure that I am more annoying to them. One day a
The Woman Who Is Always Tan And Has A Flat Stomach
By Lisa Perry,
I’m always suspicious when the Woman Who is Always Tan and Has a Flat Stomach wants to go out and do something with me. Against
Landing A Job (It's Different From Landing A Plane)
By Gregg Podolski,
The job market reeks right now. If you don’t believe me, just look at this transcript, taken verbatim from an interview with a Leading Job
February-March 2006 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Amadeus Paints Houses
By Margaret Andrews,
January 2, 2016
Selling your house requires preparation. And by preparation, I mean more than removing your personal belongings. In today’s buyer’s market, you must fix things, clean
Flying Standup, Not Standby
By Ken Bobrosky,
January 2, 2016
Airline service continues to deteriorate. Prices, taxes and extra charges are increasing and the amenities of flying are disappearing. Meals on many flights are now
Barking Up The Wrong Tree
By Faith Foyil,
January 2, 2016
I managed to distract my children when they first raised the sensitive question last year. A few weeks later the subject somehow resurfaced. “So, tell
Exercise For Seniors
By Richard H.,
January 2, 2016
I just enrolled in an athletic club determined to try it for a couple of months to see if I have the discipline and time
Giving The Gift Of Not Giving
By Jacqueline Hurst,
January 2, 2016
I hope my friends and family will forgive me for this. Effective immediately I will no longer buy gifts for anyone. No gifts. Not one.
Heated Eyelash Curlers
By Annette Martin,
January 2, 2016
Well, kiddies, I have seen it all now! I was looking at the current Avon sales booklet when lo and behold, what should I see
Side Effects
By Carl Vine,
January 2, 2016
Is it just me, or are TV commercials getting spooky? In the good old days there were jolly jingles and cutesy characters selling products cheerfully.
Frustrating The Muse
By Paul Molyneux,
January 2, 2016
Some writers spring out of bed at 5:00 a.m. and attack their daily work with vigor. I can't do that. I'm a night person. The
Uncle Joe's
By Paul Molyneux,
January 2, 2016
I discovered Uncle Joe’s while traveling a scenic route to Knoxville. I needed a pressure stop. My cramped body so welcomed this chance for stretching
An Ant Amidst Elephants
By Danielle Mutarelli,
January 2, 2016
There’s nothing like seeing an RV flipped onto its side in a median to really set the tone of a road trip. Until then I’d
The Husband Who Spends Thirty Minutes Taking A Picture Of Princess Jasmine At Disney World
By Lisa Perry,
January 2, 2016
Jasmine had always been our daughter’s favorite princess. And during our trip to Disneyworld this past winter, the Jasmine we met was particularly spectacular, if
The Husband Who Takes It Personally When Someone Steals His Luggage Then Returns It Without Taking Anything
By Lisa Perry,
January 2, 2016
My husband, Michael, and I recently splurged at a luxury hotel in Miami, but, to our dismay, while checking in we found that one of
Our Morning Routine: What Mommy Says and What They Hear
By Caroline Poser,
January 2, 2016
What Mommy Says: “Boys, it’s time to get ready for school. Shut that TV off, please, and let’s get your teeth brushed.” What They Hear:
Hungry Hungry Kitties
By Jessica Savrock,
January 2, 2016
Growing up, my younger brother and I were not members of one of those families fortunate enough to have a house pet. Not to say
The Queen of Burlesque
By Wayne Scheer,
January 2, 2016
When Fanny Grossman turned eighty-six, she decided she'd had it with life at the Magnolia Village Assisted Living Home in Peachtree City, Georgia. But it
My Oscar-Worthy Experience
By Joel Schartzberg,
January 2, 2016
Fifteen years ago, I was an unemployed 22 year-old living in a friend’s studio apartment near Los Angeles when I took a temp job working
The Missing Keys
By Liz Virtue,
January 2, 2016
“Did you get your haircut?” Mom immediately asked upon greeting us at her front door. “Yep.” She didn’t say a word. No, “It’s cute.” Or,
C'est La Vie Sneaky
By Cynthia Washam,
January 2, 2016
I could have taken home a trophy from France. Not just any trophy, mind you, but one big enough to impress friends with rooms full
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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