"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
December 2009-January 2010
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
December 2009-January 2010 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
American Public Fed Up With Uncontrolled Rural Sprawl
By Carlos Arnade,
As the economy continues to wander aimlessly across the GNP landscape, Americans have expressed their anger over the uncontrolled growth of rural sprawl into the
The Change In Birthday Parties
By David Crawford,
I picked up my daughter from a party the other day, and while she was getting her boots on I was handed a beautiful Donna
The Agony Of "The Feet"
By Matt Foley,
A few nights back my wife was awakened by a strange noise coming from the lower level of the house. Naturally, because I’m the closest
Wherefore Is The Sense In Shakespeare?
By Burton Cole,,
January 2, 2016
Whyfore didn’t I know? And howfore did I get involved? The error in fact -- if, in factfore it was an error -- was printed
Wii Wish You A Happy New Year
By Danielle Schaaf,
Stepping over candy cane wrappers and remnants of a half-eaten gingerbread house, The Big Guy cautiously approached the blue Snuggie slumped on the couch. Scenes
December 2009-January 2010 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Hang Up! My Pocket's On Hold!
By Burton Cole,,
I have a growing collection of photos of the inside of my pants pocket. I don’t mean to. It’s one of those technology things. At
Dumb Juan
By Kevin Craner,
First came my “revolting period.” A period of loneliness when women looked at my pocked face, repulsed, while muttering words such as ugly or gross
New-Relationship Contract
By Kevin Craner,
NEW-RELATIONSHIP CONTRACT (INFORMAL VERSION) [Note: Use this precedent if you are a typical adult male] DATE:[Insert] PARTIES: 1) [Insert name of typical adult male] 2)
What I Learned While Watching The World Series On FOX, Presented By Coors Light, Wells Fargo, and Sierra Mist
By Patrick Foy,
I must confess: I’m new to baseball. As I watched my local team, the Philadelphia Phillies, advance through the 2009 playoffs, I relied on my
Life's To-Do List
By David Goldstein,
The last time I went to the dentist she cleaned my teeth, and then with a disappointed and horrified look on her face she handed
Pedigrees & Crossbreeds
By C.W. Plunkett,
The San Francisco Kennel Club is having their annual dog show next weekend. How many of you own dogs? I love dogs. Aren’t they great?
What Possessed Them... To Buy That Stick Family Decal?
By Ann Marie Jancovich,
Lately I find myself continually perplexed, maybe even a little haunted, by this stick family decal trend. At first I thought, weird and quickly forgot.
Hang Up Or Die!
By David Jenkins,
I'm sure everyone's heard that the world's supply of bees is mysteriously dwindling and soon mankind will follow suit. Without bees around to pollinate the
The Girl For Me
By Barry Parham,
I just learned that Barbie turned 50 this year. That settles it. I'm asking her out. She's perfect. For all you perennial single guys out
Getting A Haircut
By Rick Turck,
Haircuts are so expensive these days. Last weekend they practically charged me two bucks just for walking through the front door. Then, to make matters
Merry Christmas Eve, Everyone -- Some Assembly Required
By Dawn W.,
Yes, gather your unassembled toys, your tools and your six-packs, folks. It’s that special night when reindeer fly, children dream, and parents assemble gifts. All.
EBBS Market Implodes: Investors Close to Panic
By Carlos Arnade,
Investors were close to a state of “stampeding Titantic” panic as the EBBS market was thrown into “turmoil” as a result of the recent hard
The Next Generation Gets Itself Lost
By Carlos Arnade,
As millions of American children confront the first homework assignment of the new year, a recent education survey has revealed that seventy percent of American
‘You See, But You Do Not Observe’
By Burton Cole,,
I was talking to my wife on the phone when the woman walked in. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “Chris changed her hair. She looks great!” Ugh!
December 2009-January 2010 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Cougars
By Ann Thomas,
Have you heard about the new dating trend? Younger men and older women are hooking up. The women are called “Cougars” although someone told me
Why I’d Like To Matrix-Pummel Kirk Cameron
By Gordon Chapman,
It’s not so much that I didn’t like his little tennie bopper sitcom show, Groin Pains. And it’s not so much that I didn’t consider
Humor Basic
By David Crawford,
“Drop and give me fifty punch lines!” I was in agony. The Drill Editor at Humor Basic Training had singled me out for having mangled
Dining with Count Chocula -- Cereals Bowls Grace the Supper Table
By Burton Cole,,
Cap’n Crunch and I are men ahead of our time. Or behind it. I’m not sure which. When I was a bachelor, I ate breakfast
Healthcare! The Musical
By Christopher Hivner,
President Barack Obama walks out to center stage, enters a single spotlight and sings: (sung to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) I am
Is It Just Me?
By Patty K,
Is it just me or are we a very angry lot these days? I mean, I know that January is a favorite month to very
Woman Cooks After 12 Years
By Mary Kirchhoff,
MCKEESPORT Penn. - Reports have been surfacing from a suburb of Pittsburgh, Penn., that a woman who was cookless for 12 years, cooked dinner three
I Love Telemarketing
By Jeanne Kraus,
A TV infomercial… Magical Hair Removal Cream. NO FUSS! NO MESS! A LIFETIME OF HAIRLESS BLISS! Order within 12 hours - receive two tubes of
Driving Miss Conception
By Barry Parham,
While attending a realtor's open house, I overheard a conversation, which often happens when I stand right behind a person, lean back, and listen to
Don't Judge Mom By Her Fridge
By Martha Peebles,
Growing up in a 1960’s world of TV role model mothers like June Cleaver gave many young girls the ambition to be a Perfect American
December 2009-January 2010 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
City Boy Lesson Learned: Don't Use Poison Ivy As A Backscratcher
By Terry Dawley,
January 2, 2016
Years ago, when the kids were young, we decided to move from the hustle & bustle and dangers of city living, to the quiet and
Mr. Doodles and Me
By Matt Foley,
January 2, 2016
I remember the summer before my fifth birthday, my neighborhood friends racing around on their bikes and scooters, while I desperately tried to keep up
And Now a Word From Our Sponsors
By Weston Locher,
January 2, 2016
I find television advertisements to be an excellent source of humor. While most folks in this day and age are busy fast-forwarding through commercial breaks
And Then He Hit Me
By Barry Parham,
January 2, 2016
I admit it. There are holes in my education. I admit it. There are things that I'll just never figure out. The cultural benefits of
The Day I Was Fired
By Diane Pascoe,
January 2, 2016
I’m going to be flat-out honest with you. I was fired once from a position I had always wanted. I had no one else to
Dead Bears and Sour Cherries
By Beverly Petravicius,
January 2, 2016
After you return from vacation, people will ask “How was your trip?” They don’t really want to know. It’s a rhetorical question, like “How are
10 TV Shows I Can't Wait For My Kids To Leave Behind
By Joel Schwartzberg,
January 2, 2016
To their parents' eyes, kids seem to stay at one age forever. The same feels true about preschool TV shows they watch religiously. Parents find
Godzilla vs. The Mall
By Karla Telega,
January 2, 2016
As a rule, I would rather gargle with drain cleaner than go to the mall. Motherhood will do that. After playing multiple games of hide
Toys
By Katherine Turski,
January 2, 2016
Men love their toys, but seldom share with others. They especially don’t share with their wives. When we last brought home a new TV, I
Financial Mess Affects Mr. Potato Head
By Christopher Venckus,
January 2, 2016
Like most people I'm concerned about the stock market volatility, seeing my bank account dwindle, and that long black hair dangling from my Aunt Audrey’s
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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