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Results

"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE

Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!

Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
December 2006-January 2007
Writing Contest
!

Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.

All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:

  • H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
  • U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
  • M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
  • O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
  • R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
    (OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)

You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!

 

HumorShowcase-HumorPress-com

Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!

Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!

Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!

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December 2006-January 2007 WINNERS...

(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)

Ribbon-first

Size 8
By Christine Gauvreau,
Before I got pregnant, I was a size 8. For five hours. On one day in 1991. More than a decade before I actually got

Ribbon-2nd

Love Is A Money Spender's Thing
By Tom Wolferman,
As a public service to those perplexed by Valentine's Day, I will attempt to address Frequently Asked Questions concerning deficiencies of the middle-aged man and

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-3rd

Life After Lunch (The High Cost of Dining Out)
By Kenny Blade,
For years now, I have been accompanying my beautiful bride to church. Some guys think church is a waste of time. Personally, I think that

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-4th

Rejection
By Andy Benton,
January 2, 2016
Mr. Benton, We want to first say that we sincerely appreciate your interest in the MBA program at our university. Having said that, however, we

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-5th

Sassy Seniors Apply Within
By Judy LaSalle,
"I’ve decided to open a restaurant. It will be a take-off on those neon eateries with their fleshy, nubile young servers whose real mission is

December 2006-January 2007 FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Operation Artificial Cleanliness
By Mary Fagan,
"The dust kittens in my house are so big I’m fitting them for collars. I’ve considered a spay/neuter program for them, but unfortunately it requires

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Pursuit of Hobbyness
By Faith R. Foyil,
January. It’s the month we curl up with a cup of tea during dark and frigid winter nights, counting the hours until spring and the

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

God In The Girl's Room
By Kim Mako,
“Hey dad, what’s the big T for?” I inquired at full voice upon entering church for a Christmas Eve service. Church was always tough for

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

How Wise Were Those Men?
By Laura Snyder,
One night as I was stuck in Holiday gridlock, I looked up and saw a star. It was either that or the International Space Station,

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Christmas Break
By Tom Wolferman,
Even when not under the influence of Pez, as an easily excitable child of the Sixties I would spend the entire month of December levitating

December 2006-January 2007 SEMI-FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Madonna and Me
By Kim Sheram,
Madonna and me, we could be like sisters. I'm serious, the similarities are uncanny. I mean once you take away her Mega Super Star Pop

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

If You Were Married
By Laura Snyder,
If you are a bachelor or bachelorette, who wonders what life is like on the “other side”, let me clue you in. If you are

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Naked Headless Barbies
By Laura Snyder,
Twenty-three years ago, my husband and I thought it would be a good idea to have children. So we had one. Unfortunately, it took five

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Why Does WATER Need A Childproof Cap?
By Kathleen M. Wooton, M.D.,
Water is a no-sodium, carb-free, fat-free, non-caloric, nontoxic beverage -- so why does it need a childproof cap? I just purchased a 25 oz. bottle

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Tooth and Nothing But the Tooth
By Tracy Beckerman,
Recently I had to go to the drugstore to buy a tube of toothpaste. It took me an hour and a half and I almost

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Feeding Carter
By Cameron Castle,
The first time I fed our son Carter solid food, well, semi-solid food, it was quite a mess. It was a learning curve for both

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Bed Last Night
By Ryan Collins,
I was lying in bed last night, well this morning, 3am. The newsbreak came on as it does every hour and one of the stories

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Toilet Paper Conspiracy
By Laurie Fabrizio,
You’re a busy mom, craving two minutes of peace, in the only room in the house where it is possible... the bathroom. Closing the door

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

If This Were Any Other Job!
By Laurie Freitag,
My boss left my co-worker and I another email this morning. “From now on, I am to be called as soon as the first person

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

An Open Letter To Joseph Conrad
By Jessica Holmes,
Dear Mr. Uber-Goth, I don’t pretend to understand the intricacies within the mind of any literary genius, but I’ve got to let it out —

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Sweet Tart Junkie
By Tom Hull,
If you want to make a lot of money in business, you need to corner the market on a product. Companies from Standard Oil to

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Wiping Out On The Technology Wave
By Lisa Macdonough,
Dear People who keep creating technology I don’t know how to use, Could you please press pause on your creativity? There are already too many

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Rental #7
By Daniel Marquez,
I knew it to be a mistake, right from the start. “Hey Dan, let’s go play some golf tomorrow”, said my friends. “I don’t know

December 2006-January 2007 HONORABLE MENTIONS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

“Homeless... Please Help.”
By Christopher Ahart,
January 2, 2016
There is a man who stands at the intersection of Cary Street and Thompson. He holds a cardboard sign that reads, "Homeless... Please Help." (I

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Good Intentions
By Greg Barry,
January 2, 2016
Last Christmas my wife received a number of well-intentioned presents from me. Her reactions to her gifts ranged from gently purring, “Oh, Honey, you really

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

A Day Of Football
By Andy Benton,
January 2, 2016
A few weeks ago, my roommates and I decided to go play football at the park. Now, if you don't know me, I can play

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Where Have All the Hot Tubs Gone?
By Sue Ceswick,
January 2, 2016
I’ve soaked in a bathtub every single night of my adult life. And I’ve used enough Avon bubble bath to fill the Dead Sea. If

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Valentine's Day Defines Opposite Reaction to Love & Attraction
By Larry Hobbs,
January 2, 2016
Those high-minded professors of social engineering who insist men and women share an inherently common mindset surely never considered The Three Stooges factor – that

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Black Dress Socks and Sneakers
By Brad Manzo,
January 2, 2016
I don’t consider myself old, but after celebrating my 37th birthday, I no longer feel young. I’ve been told I still look like I’m 21,

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Little Things Drive Me Crazy!
By Victoria Milillo,
January 2, 2016
I reached into the candy dish for a piece of chocolate. Instead, I grabbed a handful of wrappers. Once again, my husband ate some candy,

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Dishes, Arms, and the Azimuth Bear
By Alex Moody,
January 2, 2016
We sure haven’t come very far, have we? What was I doing after adding yet another component to my stack of overheating television set-top boxes?

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

How Not To Teach The Greenhouse Effect
By Tom O'Brien,
January 2, 2016
I was reminded last week of a lesson I should never have taught. It was the greenhouse effect and how light rays are converted into

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Pickles and Hiccups
By Randy Richardson,
January 2, 2016
Vacationing with a toddler is no vacation. That is if your idea of a vacation is lounging in the sun while sipping tropical drinks and

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Gift That Keeps On Giving
By Wayne Scheer,
January 2, 2016
I'll admit from the start I am not a technological genius. I tell people I just recently learned to use a ball point pen. For

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Honesty Isn't Always The Best Policy
By Kathy Welch,,
January 2, 2016
A few months ago, I decided to look for part-time work in addition to my full-time job. The holidays were approaching and what better way

Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!

If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft. 

  • Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
  • Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.

However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)

We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!

Enter Today!

Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:

Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions

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ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!

Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM

  • Entries should be 750 words or less.
  • $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
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