"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
August-September 2011
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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August-September 2011 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Bovine Wine
By David Crawford,
A local rancher has discovered that feeding wine to cows produces meat that is tastier than your usual sirloin. It must also produce tipsy livestock
Language Translators Hired by Congress
By Carlos Arnade,
America’s Political Sector Is Increasingly Bilingual The United Nation (UN) employs over one hundred language translators –which, on any given day, convert UN floor discussion
Stars and Stripes Mojo
By Pete Ballard,
As Richard drove, he passed I-74 and saw a sign announcing it was 112 miles to Indianapolis, Indiana. He thought about what he always thought
Pudd's Revenge On Jesus
By Kerry Bishop,
January 2, 2016
I really wish you would turn this nonsense down. It’s time for my nap and you’re sitting here in your muumuu, watching the little Jesus
TV Snobs
By Beverly Petravicius,
TV was invented because we were tired of talking to each other and needed something else to do. Some of you, though, kept trying to
August-September 2011 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Driver: None (How Physics Saved My Life)
By Phyl Bean,
I had no idea that that sunny Tuesday might have been my last. My car had stalled in the middle of a busy intersection in
Smith At Your Cervix
By Alison Bezzina,
This is where I speculate on the speculum and get intimate with the misunderstandings and blunders during a visit to a male gynecologist. Why would
101 Things You Don’t Want to Hear While Lying on the Operating Table
By D. Michael Craft,
My friend went in to have some large intestine removed the other day and he asked me for some advice. All I could think of
My Bucket-less List
By D. Michael Craft,
Ever since the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman people have been making their bucket list. I haven't got around to making mine yet.
The Infamous Steve
By Christopher Hivner,
It was Vegas, but not that Vegas. Las Vegas, Mississippi, 2009. Johnny “No Fixed Address” Wasserstein was selling portraits done on silly putty out of
The Candidate
By Michael Moran,
The first municipal election that held much interest for me featured my neighbor, Stanley Shepalonis, as a candidate for city council. Stanley, known to everyone
August-September 2011 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Flipside Bucket List… Or Things I Don’t Want to Do Before I Die
By Jessica Johnson,
Ever since the movie The Bucket List came out it seems that everyone and their grandma feels the need to have one. I don’t have
Trust Me! I'm a Psychic!
By Katherine Leisering,
Anyone who watches crime shows knows police are willing to use virtually any means to crack a case, including psychics. What might’ve seemed foreign mere
Hamsters and Humility
By Dorothy Rosby,
I learned the meaning of humility a few years back when I took our hamster to the vet. We sat between the owners of a
Divorce Reception
By Lloyd S,
Blanche and John Bickerson's divorce was finalized yesterday at the Summerfield County courthouse. The Honorable Homer Huggins presided over the proceedings. Blanche Bickerson accused her
A Love Letter?
By Thomas Wheeler,
First, an apology: An outpouring of grief has no place as a humor contest entry. I need, however, an audience for my sorrow. Please hear
Amnesia Anyone?
By Linda Zern,
I have a smallpox scar. I have a smallpox scar from having smallpox stuffed into me with a needle by the government. I was five
Even Mideast Autocrats Want to Embrace American-Style Democracy
By Carlos Arnade,
In a rapid turnaround, autocratic Mideast regimes from Iran to the Gulf States say they are ready to embrace American democracy. Mideast leaders say that
Christmas 2011 Preview from Christmas, Inc.
By Pete Ballard,
An early Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I am writing to thank you for your continued enthusiasm for Christmas Inc. products and to give
August-September 2011 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Improvisation
By Kerry Ashwin,
January 2, 2016
Living on a boat is a lifestyle choice. Things that you take for granted on land take on a whole new meaning on the ocean.
Cat Box Fever
By Jeff Brown,
January 2, 2016
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we lead.” -Flora Whittemore “The doors I open and close each day on my
Ready for the "Big Boy" Chair
By Wendy D'Alessandro,
January 2, 2016
Our pediatric dentist is like family. For nearly 14 years he has watched my kids grow from toddlers to teenagers. He has, in fact, watched
Mommie Dearest I Have Been
By Miranda Gargasz,
January 2, 2016
I think I must be channeling Joan Crawford. At least my oldest son thinks so. He is astounded at the things I expect from him,
A Brief Primer on Mannequins
By Chason Gordon,
January 2, 2016
Because we as humans are not stackable on shelves in small square piles, it was necessary to create mannequins. That is essentially the history. I
The Red Carpet Caper
By Ridgely Johnson,
January 2, 2016
“You want to return how many towels?” the displeased clerk at Sears asked. I uttered, “27,” without moving my lips, hoping this would lessen the
Wisconsin Sasquatch?
By Richard S,
January 2, 2016
Every good story has a little history to it. This one began several years ago when a sighting of a large creature was reported and
Time to Spare, Go by Air
By Julie Vick,
January 2, 2016
When people learn what my dad does for a living, it usually goes something like this: Me: My dad is a pilot. Other Person: Do
The Moon Is Out Tonight
By Linda Wright,
January 2, 2016
I cautiously made the turn onto the dark and empty road. We’d carefully chosen our new home for it’s proximity to a wildlife preserve. It
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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