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Results

"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE

Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!

Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
April/May 2012
Writing Contest
!

Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.

All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:

  • H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
  • U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
  • M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
  • O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
  • R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
    (OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)

You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!

 

HumorShowcase-HumorPress-com

Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!

Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!

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April/May 2012 WINNERS...

(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)

Ribbon-first

Wi-Fi Streaming With Barney and Andy
By David Woodside,
TV shows used to come with only a few black and white pixels, and they were broadcast through the air by carrier-wave pigeon, also known

Ribbon-2nd

The Closing Bells Are Ringing
By Joel Habush,
“Mom. Dad. I’ve got something to tell you.” “Must be important to drag us down here. You need more lights, Larry.” “Well, maybe not for

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-3rd

And The Crowd Goes Wild
By William Schmitt,
I recently saw an article headline on a Woman’s magazine that read; 99 Ways to Please a Woman. Now if you are thinking that it

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-4th

Living On A Budget
By Cindy Argiento,
January 2, 2016
There are people who live within their means and people who live beyond their means. Since my husband and I didn’t want to go broke

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-5th

Fat Ass Airlines
By Joel Habush,
(PHONE RINGS) “Good morning, Fat Ass Airlines, Cliff speaking, how may I help you?” “So that wasn’t a joke? I saw your ad and I

April/May 2012 FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

So You Want To Be A Librarian, Huh?
By S. Mahler,
Notion #1 - Working in a library looks like really interesting/stimulating work. Reality: Not really. Having worked in retail for seven years, I can say

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

500 Channels And Counting
By Carl Megill,
Hungry for entertainment? Tired of the same old, same old? Then call your cable company today and order The Fish Channel. It’s true, and it’s

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Words I Thought I’d Never Say – “Hey, I’m A Soccer Mom!”
By Terri Spilman,
“I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be another chubby, bleached-blonde soccer mom driving her kids around in a mini-van with one hand on the steering

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

When My Clothes Threatened to Kill Me
By Judith Veoukas,
Help! “What now?” my husband called from the other room. “I’mcaughtinmysweater.” “Huh,” he hollered. “I can’t make out what you’re saying.” How could he? I

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

My Dog Didn't Do It
By Jeff Brown,
"After hearing the evidence, I will record a verdict of natural causes." -- John Owen "After smelling the evidence, I will record a verdict of

April/May 2012 SEMI-FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

What If?
By Carlos Arnade,
History lovers often take their inner brains on-- what if—trips. Ask any history buff, professor or amateur, --what if the Chinese had discovered America? The

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Cuisinely Challenged
By Patty Clark,
There are certain things kids are not inclined to do. Buy a time share, turn off light switches, or acquire the art of conventional cooking.

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Lead Us Not Into Temptation
By Patty Clark,
Is it any wonder we have gross national debt when the streets are lined with upscale and beyond ridiculous pricey shops to tempt our weaknesses

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

What Is a Tebow and Why Do We Care?
By Barbara Pawley,
OK, I went on-line and apparently he is “an American football player”. More specifically, he is a “dual threat quarterback,” much like I‘m a dual

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Incident of the Drunken Wench in the Night
By Sherry Stanfa-Stanley,
"When you write the story," she begged, "do you promise to be discreet?" I agreed, knowing that "discreet" is a vague term and that verbal

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

How to Beat Down the Car Lot Zombies
By Chris Weilert,
Choosing and buying a car is a task that requires a game plan to take on the bloodthirsty sharks that work on car lots. If

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Leonard Nimoy, Walmart and Alien Abduction
By Chris Weilert,
I went to an UFO convention out of curiosity and a need to see something bizarre. Before I set forth on my journey, I would

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Word Rabies
By Linda Zern,
“I knew foxes are quite often rabid, so I knew he was up to no good.” This is a direct quote. It is a direct

April/May 2012 HONORABLE MENTIONS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Time to Relax
By Carlos Arnade,
January 2, 2016
The heart-doctor put it to me straight: You have got to get serious about relaxing. Your heart cannot take more stress. I recommend you start

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Leonard Speaks Spanish
By Beth Beggs,
January 2, 2016
My neighbors Wanda June and Leonard worry about senility, and if truth be known, they have reason for some of those worries. They watch Dr.

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Champagne Reign
By Michael Hal,
January 2, 2016
In a sleek corked bottle Breathes a potion that people coddle. Smooth and delicate to the taste Makes it’s consumer leave no waste. It’s bubbly,

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Showering Connoisseur
By Kathryn McFadden,
January 2, 2016
Closing Scene: Twenty-three days pass. It's midnight. The shower cascades micro-beads of titillating moisture over my tired, jet-lagged body. I've been traveling twenty-four horrible hours,

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

My Shocking Secret
By Christa McKibben,
January 2, 2016
I had a shocking secret. I was a 40 year old woman who couldn’t cook. A “homemaker” no less. I dreaded the recipe exchange e-mails

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Lloyd Re-Enlisted?
By Lloyd S,
January 2, 2016
Last night I woke up in a cold sweat. What a dream! No, it was not a nightmare, like the ones I had after the

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Beer Served by Loving Hands
By Chris Weilert,
January 2, 2016
Some folks like their chocolate, others like coffee, I like beer. I don’t like the fact that beer prices always go up but never down

Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!

If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft. 

  • Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
  • Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.

However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)

We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!

Enter Today!

Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:

Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions

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ENTER HUMORPRESS.COM'S HUMOR WRITING CONTEST!

Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM

  • Entries should be 750 words or less.
  • $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
  • Winners, Finalists/Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions will be published online! Selections also may appear in optional print edition(s) with no book purchase required!
  • Entry Fee is only $10, So Don't Miss Out. Enter Today!
  • Multiple entries are allowed, including your columns previously published elsewhere. Each entry must include an entry fee.
  • Book purchase is optional and is not required for entry.
    (Get Book One! Get Book Two! Get Book Three!)

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