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Results

"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE

Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!

Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
3rd Quarter 2013
Writing Contest
!

Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.

All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:

  • H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
  • U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
  • M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
  • O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
  • R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
    (OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)

You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!

 

HumorShowcase-HumorPress-com

Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!

Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!

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3rd Quarter 2013 WINNERS...

(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)

Ribbon-first

Where's Waldo? Probably In Therapy
By Abby Heugel,
Patient Name: Harold, but goes by “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” Session notes: Patient has possible abandonment issues due to lack of parental supervision after birth

Ribbon-2nd

Sparky Retires
By David Margolis,
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones: I am writing this letter to announce my retirement as your dog. I have toiled in your service for the

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-3rd

Research Into the Effects of Aging
By Dick Cummins,
It was Keegan Jenkin’s 70th birthday when the phone rang at exactly eight in the morning. It was UCSD again and this time they wanted

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-4th

Financially Speaking: Speechless and a Bit Concerned
By Mike Tuck,
January 2, 2016
I’m one of those who want to make my money the old fashioned way -- inherit it. But coming from a family whose credit scores

Ribbon-HumorPress-com-5th

Bullish On Hurricanes
By Mike McHugh,
It’s September again here in Louisiana—the time of year when you turn on the local news and get, at most, five minutes of actual news

3rd Quarter 2013 FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Washington Takes Action... Sorta
By Peter Quinn,
NEWS BULLETIN: Washington takes action! The President announced today that he was going to take action and this action would clarify the situation at hand.

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Crash Test Dummies
By Joel Schwartzberg,
True story: In 1993, pressured by animal rights groups, General Motors finally ended its decade-long practice of using live animals (dogs, rabbits, pigs, ferrets, mice)

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

My Cars
By Kevin Udell,
The first car I ever owned was a 1966 Triumph Spitfire I bought for $250 bucks. If those were pesos, it was still a bad

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Breathless Beauty
By Bobby Bazoo,
The three college students' names were Tom, Mike, and Derek. They were young, ambitious, and full of testosterone. Lots of it. They rode in my

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Brewing Revolution
By Lisa C.,
Samuel Adams took a stool at the bar, whilst he waited on his bud. Wiser men around him were debating the brewing revolution and the

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Days Of The Week
By Mandy B. Fernandez,
The days of the week invoke certain feelings for me. If I wake up realizing Sunday is actually Monday, my mood changes drastically. This is

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Life in the Suburbs
By Debi Harris,
I never thought I'd ever be a middle-aged suburban housewife, but here I am and it's no 'Desperate Housewives' where I live. As far as

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Helping With Homework
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
AI am every parent. Or most parents. Or at least one of the parents who live in my house – which is one of two,

Finalist-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Haute Cuisine in Marin County
By John Philipp,
When I arrived in Marin Country 20 years ago, the first thing I noticed was the number of restaurants. There are almost as many restaurants

3rd Quarter 2013 SEMI-FINALISTS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Missed Opportunities
By Kevin Boekhoff,
One day, I decided to surprise my wife, Katie, by working on one of her projects - repainting some benches for a Sunday School classroom

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Eulogy of Charlie Braun (As Read by the Man Himself)
By Siddhant P.,
Ghost of Charlie, standing next to his dead body: My heart swells up with grief, and cholesterol from last night’s chicken wings, as I stand

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

The Non-Sports Guy
By Peter Quinn,
When I was a kid my dad got me started in sports. T-ball was my first experience. It really should have been called herd ball.

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Flappy Crappy Demo Day
By Sandra Rae,
Ever notice people handing out samples in supermarkets? You know the ones: the demo people who call out, “Sample truffles, chocolates or ice cream.’ Then

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

My Left Foot
By Wayne Scheer,
About a month ago, my wife broke a CorningWare dish that we think dated back to a wedding present. CorningWare is described as virtually indestructible,

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

A Disclaimer
By Lloyd S,
Have you, like me, wondered about the disclaimer statements at the beginning or end of radio and television ads? The statement is read so fast

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

FACE IT - We're Addicted To Cosmetic Surgery
By Len Signorile,
This country is petrified of aging. So petrified and worried, it can actually makes us age faster. And those cute corny comments and phrases you

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Bury the Saint
By Kim Suhr,
Encouragement abounds: “It’ll sell.” “It’s a great location.” “Only takes one buyer.” Then: “Tried burying that saint?” “Yeah, bury St. Joseph upside down in your

Semi-F-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Teaching Dakshesh
By David Woodside,
Beginning in the third grade kids love having a substitute teacher. By "having" I mean "biting off parts of the teacher, chewing and swallowing the

3rd Quarter 2013 HONORABLE MENTIONS...

(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

More Than Half A Century of Plastic Romance
By Patrick "Patch" Rose,
January 2, 2016
A couple of messages on Facebook this week mentioned a big birthday and celebrity milestone that piqued my interest. The postings announced Barbie is 50

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Beauty and the Burrito
By Tracy Sano,
January 2, 2016
I will never forget the day my niece was born. A friend of mine worked at Sephora and had given me a giant bag of

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Beware The Dog People
By Len Signorile,
January 2, 2016
A lighthearted look at dog owning extremists. Let me make one thing clear from the start. I don’t dislike dogs. So any owners incensed by

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Flimsy Whimsy
By Bobby Bazoo,
January 2, 2016
I met many colorful personalities while driving a taxi. I never knew who or what would get into my taxi. That's an understatement, trust me.

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Die-Hard Eager Beaver
By Mary Berger,
January 2, 2016
When the highlight of my day was vacuuming daisy designs in the carpet, I knew I needed a change. As a newly retired woman, it

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Query Letter to In-Flight Magazine Editors
By Dick Cummins,
January 2, 2016
(From Writer’s Guidelines for in-flight magazine.) ‘This is what they we’re looking for: “…a compelling tale with memorable characters. One example of the kind of

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

A Treadmill and a Goal
By Karen Gaebelein,
January 2, 2016
The idea of buying a treadmill made sense. I needed to exercise and a treadmill would let me “walk” in my living room while I

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

I Believe That Santa Claus Is Real (Even Though I'm Jewish)
By William G.,
January 2, 2016
I heard the footsteps, faintly, from my room. It was snowy outside and I was wide awake, itching with excitement. I could hear the rustling

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Marriage Advice
By Patrick Manalio,
January 2, 2016
Yesterday my brother told me that he and his girlfriend were getting married. I said "That's great! Being married will give you both something to

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

What The???
By Maggie Millus,
January 2, 2016
I love going to Home Depot and Lowe’s. Almost more than Macy’s or Nordstrum’s… I can’t say Neiman Marcus because I don’t have the big

Hon-Ribbon-HumorPress-com

Drive-Thru Debauchery
By Roger Mullins,
January 2, 2016
It was late fall, and Katie - our oldest, and at that point, only daughter - had just turned one. One Wednesday evening, Mama was

Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!

If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft. 

  • Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
  • Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.

However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)

We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!

Enter Today!

Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:

Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions

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Have Fun! Get Published! Win Cash Prizes!SM

  • Entries should be 750 words or less.
  • $250.00 in total cash prizes will be awarded. Five winners will be named.
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