NEWS BULLETIN: Washington takes action!
The President announced today that he was going to take action and this action would clarify the situation at hand.
When pressed on what action and what situation, the White House issued a statement that by stating the President was taking action was enough action to clarify and rectify the situation.
The White House Press Corps immediately went into action and had a happy hour to talk about all the action that the White House was taking.
A joint communiqué was sent from Mrs. Smith’s Party Palace in Georgetown asking the President:
“What if the people absolutely want more action?”
The President, in an off-the-cuff remark in response to the action taken by the press, said that he would start calling his girls collect and thus take all the action he needed to take.
Upon hearing about the President’s action, Congress held a close door session and immediately ran up the national debt and demanded more action. Then it proposed the Collect Call on Children’s Tax Act. If anyone was going to collect money from kids it would be the Congress of the United States and not the President. Now Congress for its part was ready to fill-a-buster about the action taken, divide up into pre-position partisan camps and take the rest of the week off.
The Republicans amended the tax bill to only tax collect calls from 11:38 p.m. to 6 am, knowing that all self respecting Republicans would be in bed during those hours since most country club bars close at 11.
The Democrats counter that this was once again a tax on the poor and middle class, a demographic well known to be insomniacs.
The Senate was in recess and was waiting on what action the Congress would send them so they could take a firm stand and take no action at all.
The Supreme Court issued a statement stating it will wait 9 years when all their members would be well into their 80s to think about what action they would take. In the meantime they were napping.
The press immediately jumped on the important issues of the day, Kim and Kayne’s daughter was changing direction and would now be known as Southeast. This along with a sighting of Miley wearing a complete set of cloths, a classy summer dress with a Valentino Rockstuds spike shoe with a classic T-strap design in a stylish but understated manner.
The European Union and Russia both issued statements denouncing whatever action the US was taking as it would surely result in something. The French on their own issued a statement that spike studs shoes with the Classic T-strap would never be worn with a summer dress.
In the US the citizens reacted as usual to what the Europeans and Russians thought.
The paper lobby commissioned a video to thank the government for all the statements being issued on the action being taken and the additional 100,000 acres of national forest that would be harvest to supply the paper needed for all the statements.
AP, the only news source who cared about the truly important issues that affected the life and liberties of the US, and who had also been banned from most of the drinking establishments in D.C., commissioned a poll on the debate of collect calls to kids just before they declared bankruptcy. The results came back about all the action that Washington was taking:
64% approved of the President’s Action
26% wanted to know what is a collect call
13% wanted to drop the ban on TV network blackouts on home NFL games
The Secretary of Education immediately allocated 10 million dollars to conduct a study on pollsters that can’t add. In a statement he said “Polesters that can’t add is not a new phenononom, political candidates have been using this trick since polls were started. This is just a good excuse to spend money we don’t have.”
The Under Secretary of Education issued a follow up statement saying an additional 1 million dollars would be spent to buy the Education Secretary a dictionary.
Meanwhile the President’s daughters have put a block on their phone to prevent dad from calling collect. The NSA, CIA and Google are working on a fix.