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1. People Grunting and making various obnoxious noises -- Yes I see that you are holding sixty pound weights in your hands. Yes that is quite impressive that you can curl that much weight. No you are not allowed to scream and moan like a group of oxen being mutilated. I don’t … [Read more...]
It was a simple plan that got complicated quickly. I was road-tripping with my family up north to Escanaba, MI to purchase a new vehicle. After three hours on the road, we took a pit-stop in a small Wisconsin town. While everyone was loading back into the suburban, I announced I … [Read more...]
All entrepreneurs know that the formula for financial success is to “see a need, fill the need,” and by financial success I mean the making of so much money that you have to carry the cash around in metal buckets – with two hands. So here’s my business plan for a hot new start … [Read more...]
Yes, I have been captured by a group of insulin-producing human aliens, who have forced me to join their cult, by injecting their foreign chemical into my own body. My problem began when a Doctor with a strange alien accent, announced that my soaring sugar count had convinced … [Read more...]
Dear white, powdery, delicate snow, It’s time you understand something. I know that we had a lot of fun growing up together and I enjoyed all those hours we spent with one another in my backyard, but I am no longer 9 years old. Taking you in my hands and rolling you around was … [Read more...]