Everybody has noticed how flowers are arranged and labeled at a funeral home. What would it be like if the mourners who bought the floral arrangements were painfully honest? For example, take the large flat spray on the casket (coffin for you purists, a casket is a jewelry box), the one honoring the family patriarch. The banner usually says: “Loving Father, from your adoring children.”

Yeah right, in one family I know, it would likely read: “Loathsome Tyrant, from your now free offspring.”

How about this: “My Deadbeat Cheating Husband, from your loving wife.”

Or this one: “You still owe me $500 you bum, your brother.”

The black roses label read: “The hard part of raising you is finally over, your mom.”

This banner is unique: “Remember the nights we had to carry you home? We are here to carry you away for the last time, your cousins.”

A single lily with a tag tied to the stem: “Rot in Hell, Uncle Guido.”

A horse shoe shaped piece read: “Good Riddance,” with no other identification.

This is memorable: “You finally made it out, your fellow inmates, Central State Correctional Facility.”

Or: “We named “the chair” in your honor, Lloyd Stanley, warden, Central State Correctional Facility.”

Then there was: “Wake up and get back to work, management of the box factory.”

I like: “My best customer, Joe’s Tavern.”

A single red rose in a vase with a tag that says: “Your Mistress.”

Six red roses in a vase with a tag that says: “Your Mistress.”

From the undertaker: “Your widow owes me $1250.78, Digger O’Dell, the friendly undertaker.”