"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
August/September 2005
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
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August/September 2005 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
The Story of Dot
By Lionel Beck,
Dot was depressed. She was an ordinary English full stop. Like many of her punctilious friends she was frequently abused. She wondered if life might
George W.'s 'Speakin' Like Me' Tapes"
By Jeff Dougherty,
Howdy folks. George W. here. Do you like the way I tawlk? Sure you do! It’s kinda folksy ain’t it? A certain down home quality
Women Can Be Such Pigs!
By Wayne Scheer,
The way they stare, undressing me with their eyes. It makes me feel so dirty." I paused as my wife held me close. "Women can
August/September 2005 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
I Wanna Be A Senior Rap Star
By Ken Bobrosky,
When I was younger, I used to jokingly tell my friends that when I retired, I wanted to be a country and western lounge singer.
What's That Ya Say?
By Susan Boskat Murray,
Sometimes I mumble. Sometimes there are airplanes roaring overhead or lawn mowers buzzing next door. Sometimes I’m sure they really don’t hear me. But, when
A Rat Too Far
By Noreen Braman,
This obsessive studying of rat behavior has gone too far. We’ve been subjected to the results of studies that analyzed rat eating habits, rat stress
Postponing The End of Humor
By Michael Corey,
I often worry about the end of humor. What will the last joke look like? Will there be difficulty in recognizing it? Will people find
Why Men Grill
By Diana Estill,
In case you’ve noticed your man (or someone else’s) behaving strangely these past few weeks, let me explain what’s happening. It’s again outdoor grilling time.
Boxed In
By Jonathan Kronstadt,
Boxes. I see them everywhere--in my sleep, in dumpsters, in previously locked cars. I’m like that kid in The Sixth Sense, only instead of seeing
Barbie
By Juliana LeRoy,
Barbie has gotten a bad rap. Oh, sure, she has a figure, and her boobs don’t sag, and she has so much hair her tiny
Burger Heaven
By Russ P,
Here I am at Burger Heaven again. The last time I was here I vowed to stop eating fast food and finally become a healthy
The Wife Who Stood In Line for Two Hours at Krispy Kreme and Then Only Ordered Two Donuts
By Lisa Perry,
Okay, I’ll admit it. Wives can sometimes be annoying, but it’s extremely rare. My husband, Michael, would disagree with the latter part of this statement
Pop-Pop and the Unremarkable Shrinking Brain
By Gregg Podolski,
I’m not one to make fun of another person’s misfortune. (Except when the misfortune is simply too funny to pass up, like when a bull
Don LePre, Get Out of My Head (and Take the Little Steamers With You)
By Michael Pollick,
For those of you blessed with 57 channels and an expensive new bird roost on your roof, allow me to share what you're missing on
The Secret Sign
By Bob Scott,
The Stevensborough Men’s Club (SMC) had its beginning when Lenny Bunczyk found a copy of "Start Your Own Secret Club" while rooting around at the
Regularity
By Holly Smith,
My husband and I have a baby every five years whether we need one or not. You could set your sundial by it. 1991 --
August/September 2005 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
August/September 2005 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Clean Fridge Can Raise Suspicions
By Diana Estill,
January 2, 2016
A clean refrigerator is a sign of a bad cook. Mark my words, I know. I've seen many a spotless fridge sitting inside the kitchen
The Unspoken Contract
By Lori Johnson,
January 2, 2016
Each and every one of us signed a contract upon having children. Remember that piece of paper spelling out all the terms and conditions of
In Plain Sight
By Andrea Langworthy,
January 2, 2016
Underwear isn’t under anymore. It should be called outerwear or barely-hidden wear. Straps are in now. Or rather, they’re out. Out for everyone to see.
On Duty
By Andrea Langworthy,
January 2, 2016
I was excited when the Neighborhood Crime Watch warnings were attached to the backs of the stop signs at each entrance to our little twin-home
Game Night
By Gregg Podolski,
January 2, 2016
I have a play date this Saturday. Not for my kids (probably because we don’t have any), but for me. My wife arranged it. Except
My Two Cents' Worth
By Pamela Porter,
January 2, 2016
I was raised to believe that a penny saved was indeed a penny earned, so I did just that. I collected loose pennies in a
Trouble In The Temple
By Bob Scott,
January 2, 2016
"I’ve got a screw loose!" "Whassat?" "I said, I’ve got a screw loose!" "So, tell me something I didn't know!" "How'd you know?" "It's the
Hello?
By John Sheirer,
January 2, 2016
Back in 1995, I got onto this internet thing -- perhaps you've heard of it. They say it might catch on. My favorite part of
But You Didn't Tell Me It Wasn't Okay"
By Hildee Weiss,
January 2, 2016
My older son will make a great attorney someday. He fights with his brother and sisters better than anyone I know. He has a stubborn
The Great Outdoors, But Only To Some
By Jeff Wozer,
January 2, 2016
It is day four of backpacking in Colorado’s Holy Cross Range. I’m authoring from inside the butter-yellow walls of my Marmot tent, alone. Not because
Senior Moments
By Lisa Barker,
January 2, 2016
I’ll tell you what a senior moment is. It’s standing at the refrigerator filling up a glass at the water dispenser... and forgetting what it
Stupidity, The Bane Of All Parents
By Lisa Barker,
January 2, 2016
When it comes to parenting pet peeves, one thing most parents can’t stand is stupidity in children. I’m not talking about the usual brainless things
Alarm Clocks
By Cindy Dwyer,
January 2, 2016
As humans, we must be inherently masochistic. Every day we set ourselves up for a “sneak attack.” We go to bed and willingly set a
The Garden Spider
By Cindy Dwyer,
January 2, 2016
Any mother of an eight-year-old boy can tell you that whenever he runs into the kitchen with a plastic bucket and shouts, “Hey, Mom! Look
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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- Entries should be 750 words or less.
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