"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR!"TM SHOWCASE
Check Out Our Humor Writing Contest Results!
Congratulations to the Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists & Honorable Mentions in our
August /-September 2006
Writing Contest!
Click any headline below to see the full entry, then scroll up or down to see other entries in the group.
All entries are carefully reviewed based on our exclusive "H-U-M-O-R"SM judging criteria:
- H = Humor -- Does it make us laugh?
- U = Universality -- Is it fairly "clean"?
- M = Moxie -- Does it have plenty of zing?
- O = Originality -- Is it fresh and new?
- R = 'Riting -- Is it well-'ritten?
(OK, "Writing," but we couldn't judge entries on their "H-U-M-O-W", could we?)
You, too, can get in on the fun, get published and win your share of $250.00 in prize money!
Enter "America's Funniest Humor"TMWriting Contest to claim (or regain) a spot in our Humor Showcase!
Join The Fun! Enter Our Humor Writing Contest Today!
August /-September 2006 WINNERS...
(CLICK ANY TITLE TO SEE ENTRY)
Is It Hot In Here Or What?
By Sharie Derrickson,
I have rabies. Okay, not really, but, I might as well since my symptoms closely resembles it –- foaming at the mouth, the desire to
Trick or Treat, Mister Goodbar
By Cheryl O'Donovan,
I’m off, kissing the dog and tossing a treat to my husband. By eight-thirty, I park outside the hot new club, Studio Code Blue, which
Death Surrey 2000
By Gregg Podolski,
If you should find yourself down the shore during the hot, sweaty, dog days of summer with no desire to sizzle on the beach or
For Best Results, Read This Aloud
By Wendy Sang Kelly,
January 2, 2016
So, who are all the brainiacs who decided to get rid of Pluto? Frankly, I think they’re making a big mistake. First of all, I’m
Out Of The Closet
By Kenny Blade,
Maybe I waited too long to get started. I don’t know where the time went. It seems like only yesterday I was an incredible physical
August /-September 2006 FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Survival-O's
By Christine Gauvreau,
It’s coming. Just ask the National Hurricane Center, The Department of Homeland Security, The World Health Organization or my Grandmother. They’ll all tell you that
Sam and Harry Carrot
By Philip Levin,
Sam Carrot awoke to the sunshine warming the dew off his head. He had bean chili through the night. “Hey Harry, wake up.” “Good morning,
Squeeze Play
By Denise Malloy,
It was the usual mammogram drill, undress from the waist up, put on the pink gown open in the front. “Don’t bother putting your arms
Grating Card
By Joel Schwartzberg,
June and July are big celebration months for me. In addition to Father’s Day, the birthdays of all thee of my children and my mother’s
Give Me A Cleaning And Some Popcorn
By Steve Shrott,
Recently, dentists have begun improving what they refer to as the dental experience. I thought that meant having magazines in their office that are current
The Guns of Highway One
By Daniel Bain,
On a recent vacation, I pondered the warning sign posted as I crossed a state border: “Speed limit enforced by aircraft.” Does that message sound
Confessions Of A Breastfeeding Failure
By Jerusha Bosarge,
“Please, Baby. Please eat.” I droned to her tiny, flailing body. But, it was no use. What is wrong with me? I thought, beginning to
Dueling Dieters
By Vicky DeCoster,
“Honey,” my husband said one morning, “The scale is broken. It says I weigh three pounds more than I should.” I walked into our bathroom
Working Out Isn't Working Out For Me
By Kwame DeRoche,
Ah, the workout. Our often futile attempt to get in shape. What shape? There are all kinds of shapes. A circle is a shape. If
August /-September 2006 SEMI-FINALISTS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Store Wars: Attack of the Calzones
By Mary Fagan,
A typical shopping trip for the eternally needed loaf of bread and gallon of milk leads over an expanse of ten aisles these days. If
Back To School Because I Said So, That's Why
By Bob Holt,
Hard as it is to believe, we've reached that time of year again where parents take their children to the mall for back-to-school shopping. It
Driven To Distraction
By Margaret Howlett,
Many of you who are parents out there probably remember your toddler sitting happily in the car seat with a toy steering wheel, pretending to
It's Official: I Am No Longer a Princess
By Juliana LeRoy,
There comes a time in all women's lives when they must be completely honest with themselves and realize that it's time to move on. Things
The Waterboy
By Brad Manzo,
I remember as a child my father coming home from work and the following scene unfolding: My father would remove his shoes, grab the newspaper
My Dirty Little Secret
By Audrey D. Mark,
Pssssst…If I tell you something, promise you won’t tell anyone else? I think it's time for me to come clean and share my dirty little
Blame Hollywood
By E. Mitchell,
I’m here to tell you that if there’s anything wrong with your life it’s not your fault. Blame Hollywood. Let my pronouncement be a beacon
Learning Disabled
By Ami Peltier,
Today, the National Institutes of DUH released a study saying that distractions of any kind impede learning. I discovered this the hard way back in
The Red Menace
By Ami Peltier,
I was completely unprepared for school to begin this year. On Memorial Day, I partied and shirked my impending responsibilities. On Tuesday, I realized my
Doing Battle
By Wayne Scheer,
"When did barbers become hair stylists?" I asked my wife as she planned how I would spend my Saturday. "Oh, about the same time you
Pimp My Bag
By Joel Schwartzberg,
It's probably safe to say women are more obsessed with their personal bags than men are. Just look at the marketplace. Men have three to
What I Learned
By John Strother,
The author Robert Fulghum wrote of learning everything he needed to know in kindergarten – a process that certainly must have produced one ignorant person.
Bland Or Burned?
By Kathy Welch,,
When I first started dating my husband I noticed his cabinets were filled with boxes of macaroni and cheese. Like he won the mac &
My New Pet
By Cara Worth,
After two days of 90-degree sticky July weather in New York City, a thunderstorm was on the verge of breaking. Eager for the storm to
August /-September 2006 HONORABLE MENTIONS...
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BY AUTHOR)
Family Vacation
By Tiffany Carboni,
January 2, 2016
"Last year, my husband and I began toiling with the idea of taking the kids to Kauai this summer. It was a foolproof plan. Our
Case Closed
By Ralph Gordon,
January 2, 2016
"All Rise”, commanded Constable W.L. "Country" Williams. Chatter immediately turned to silence as the overall clad constable announced, “Justice Court for Newton County Mississippi is
Hunky Magoo
By Marsha Jordan,
January 2, 2016
Hunky Magoo is a fitting nickname for the husband. It's unusual and so is he. I call him "H.M." He likes to think it stands
Pimp My Sneakers
By Gale Martin,
January 2, 2016
Last spring, I needed a pair of tennis shoes, real tennis shoes, for real tennis. See, I had lofty plans to meet another middle-aged mom
Toilet Training Tips Straight From The Potty Mouth
By Karrie McAllister,
January 2, 2016
Attention! Whether you are a first-time parent who will face the intimidating task of potty training in the next few years or someone who is
I DON'T Share Chocolate!
By Victoria Milillo,
January 2, 2016
“Can I have some?” This pathetic request came from my husband whenever he caught me eating chocolate. I always hesitated a moment, then reluctantly gave
Ghost Writer
By E. Mitchell,
January 2, 2016
I’m a good writer – how do I know? I’ve been plagiarized by the best. Well maybe not the best, but at least the recognizable.
Close Encounters Of The Star Kind
By E. Mitchell,
January 2, 2016
I touched Liberace’s organ. Actually it was his piano. In any case I touched his instrument. How did I achieve such intimacy with a big,
The Goat Purchasers
By Tom O'Brien,
January 2, 2016
Surprised and amazed I was last Saturday when goat purchasers arrived at our farm in a white stretch limousine. It had to be thirty-five feet
From "101 Ways To Win A Man's Heart" (An Excerpt)
By Julia Rivera-Armstrong,
January 2, 2016
We dashed to Carmen’s decrepit Toyota, Carmen jumped behind the wheel, and we prayed that the engine would start. Carmen glanced in the rearview mirror
March of the Wiglets
By Cindy Small,
January 2, 2016
Going to the hair salon weekly was a life and death event for my mother, grandmother and me. It was as important as penguins crossing
The Little Things
By Kirt Boyd,
January 2, 2016
If you happened to be in Sam's Club in Loveland, CO a week or two back and were startled to hear the opening bars of
Congratulations To EVERYONE Who Entered!
If your entry was not recognized this time, please don't give up! Writing humor is a specialized craft, and it takes time and effort to master any craft.
- Some entries were well-written, but needed more work setting up the humor and punching up the punch lines. Try structuring your work with distinct set-ups and punch lines throughout the piece.
- Other entries had plenty of punch, but relied on coarseness or vulgarity, which limited their potential readership. Try writing as if your piece were for a daily newspaper to achieve the most universal appeal.
However, just by entering you made a great effort and we commend you for it! (You already did better than those who just thought about entering, but didn't even try!)
We hope you will enter again and look forward to seeing more of your work!
Enjoy more award-winning humor in our exclusive Humor Showcase:
Winners | Finalists | Semi-Finalists | Honorable Mentions
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- Entries should be 750 words or less.
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