Setting: Hallway decorated for the Christmas season, man hurriedly getting dressed, to “Go Christmas Shopping.”
Disembodied female voice (can be pre-recorded so you won’t have to pay SAG wages).
“Honey, where are you going? It’s Christmas Eve,your mother is expecting us!”
Man- “Dear, I will be right back; I have to go (pause) Christmas Shopping.” He proclaims.
Two children, dressed in their PJs, each eating a Christmas cookie. are watching this scene unfold. A 5 year old girl and a computer generated doll of a small boy (this way you don’t have to pay SAG wages to the boy).
Little girl – “Funny, dad, Ashley’s dad is going “Christmas Shopping” too.””
Dad – “You know it’s not too late to tell Santa not to come.”
Setting: Inside a tavern, decorated for Christmas, crowded with men ordering beer and toasting “Christmas Shopping”.
(Use real beer during rehearsals and have actors sign away SAG wages for beer.)
Two men sitting at the bar- “I love this time of the year,” toasting as a friend walks in.
All three in unison: “Christmas Shopping! Another round please.”
A group of guys come over including our harried husband from scene one.
“Christmas Shopping!” They toast, more beers show up on the bar.
Setting: A jewelry store; two men are bent over a display case filling it with jewelry. The kid looks at the weathered veteran of the jewelry store and asks;
“Why did Mr. Finkelstien bring in such a big crew on Christmas Eve day and bring out all the stuff he couldn’t sell?”
The veteran sighs, “Just wait.”
Mr. Finkelstien walks over, a worried look on his face, “Are you boys ready?” He asks, and as he pats the older of the two on the shoulder, they give an affirmative nod.
Mr. Finkelstine to veteran jewelry store man – “I am going to need you Ned, be strong.”
Ned – “Yes sir, I’m ready.”
Ned to the kid -“Listen kid, stick close to me and you will be OK, don’t try to be a hero, got it?”
Kid- nods his head, not sure what is going to happen.
Setting: Split stage with bar on right and jewelry store on left.
Tavern still a lively scene, toasts and laughter. One of the men gets ready to toast (could be related to producer so he has signed away all his SAG rights).
“Christmassss….” Then looks at his watch,
“Oh NO it’s four!”
Chaos in the tavern. En masse, the men rush out of the tavern right into the jewelry store. A long non-stop stream of men heads right (make sure to cut off the beer so all the actors leave), out of the tavern and into the jewelry store. Last guy out is dragging a long stream of toilet paper on his shoe (humorous affect).
Mass hysteria in the jewelry store as men rush in.
General shouts – “I’ll take it. I saw it first. Wrap it up.” Uproar and mayhem ensue.
Kid is seen running around when an errant jewelry box hits him.
Ned screams out – “Counter girl, counter girl, man down!”
Counter girls fight her way through the mayhem.
“Just a paper cut kid, you’ll be alright.” She takes out a band aid from her purse and covers the wound.
Kid looks up and sees Ned in full action, surrounded, men shoving boxes and jewelry at him non-stop, almost overwhelming him.
The kid shakes his head, looking at the counter girl and says.
“I can do this.”
A scream is heard in the background “Counter girl, counter girl, more tissues!”
Giving him a reassuring smile she rushes back into the mayhem.
Kid grabs credit card machine, a full load of receipt paper and jumps into the fray. They come at him and Ned, now they are a team, one by one each of the Christmas shoppers is dismissed.
Lights dim as the chorus of the chaos fades away.
Setting: Lights fade on to the tavern, two waitresses with their shoes off, resting their legs on the table, the barkeep leaning on the bar, collar unbuttoned, Mr. Finkelstien, Ned, the kid and the rest of the jewelry store crew, sit all disheveled, sweaty, hair rumpled enjoying a quiet beer.
Mr. Finkelstien, lifts his beer in the air and proudly proclaims:
The rest of the cast raises their glasses and in unison.