European finance ministers thought they had a deal. Billions of Euros in new loans from 41 German banks and one anonymous French mattress company would be extended to the Greek government, provided Greece implemented a German designed austerity program. World Stock markets rose steeply for two days in anticipation of the deal.
Then, the country Greece committed a horrific act which terrified the world’s bankers, financial ministers, and German descended people everywhere. Greece practiced democracy. That is, the Greek Government asked the Greek people to vote on the deal. Banks were livid. Finance ministers were livid.
Germans, everywhere, appeared to be aggressively constipated. The French mattress company wanted its stuffing back. How dare Greece practice democracy? Western civilization was at risk. Doesn’t Greece know that banking and money is the foundation of western civilization, at least for the rich?
The German government immediately attacked Greece by threatening to lend it billions of dollars of new loans.
German newspaper editors demanded that the Greeks act like Spartans.
Bankers demanded that Greek rise to the Olympic challenge to their economy.
Greek women demanded that their adult children and spouses leave the house and show up at work.
In fact, the entire world—except Republican Congress in Washington D.C.– demanded the that Greek business establishment get serious and pay taxes like everyone else; that is everyone else who is not head of a multinational corporation.
Meanwhile, European Bankers demanded that Greek leaders give democracy the javelin toss and start acting accountable and autocratic.
—Greece Hits Back From Below The Balkans—
Greek business leaders responded to the outcry, saying they would permit German Banks to foreclose on 121 non-performing Greek ships. The Greek navy offered to lend the banks two search and rescue boats, in order to search the world’s ocean for the nonperforming ships, pick them up, and if necessary, pay off Somali bribes.
Meanwhile, Greeks newspapers claimed that French and German banking loans to their country were operating as a Trojan bull, which one night would break open inside an Athens bank vault and let loose thousands of laptop-carrying accountants, who would attack Greek democracy with Microsoft spreadsheets and tyrannical MBA logic.
Thousands of demonstrators took to the streets of Athens and demanded that Greek’s best islands leave the euro-zone—and move to the South Atlantic.
Demonstrators spoke of a new Greek currency named the Demo—whose value would be backed by polished sea-shells. Demonstrators said that in the Demo-based economy, store prices would be abolished and replaced by marathon arguments between buyers and sellers over the price of goods. Spectators would then vote-in the price of the product. And millions of Greek homeowners, who are currently under-water, particularly in the ancient Greek province of Atlantis, could use sea-shells to pay off their mortgage.
Germans responded by saying that a Demo-base economy would be inefficient.
Greeks argued that Greek democracy was not meant be to efficient. And they claimed that living in a chaotic democracy is better than barely existing inside a banking theocracy.
The French-warned that they would not accept sea shells as payment for their debt. French lenders said that no decent French person would sleep, much less steal the afternoon away with a mistress, on a mattress stuffed with hard sea-shells and prickly crustaceans.
The Greeks pointed that pocketing a few billion Euros was a small price to pay for having given Greek democracy to the rest of Europe.
Bankers, everywhere, said they just want money; anybody’s.
A consortium of Somalia warlords complained that the 121 ships that they “accidently found” do not run as smooth as a “German” Mercedes car.
Turkey complained that Greece frivolity was harming the ability of 2 million hard working German-Turks to convert themselves into Euro-people.
The British Chancellor of the Exchequer pointed out, to anyone would may not have noticed, that Britain had chosen not to join the Euro-zone.
Italians said that living in the Euro-zone, daily, and nightly, was becoming more like living in the twilight zone.
The British Chancellor of the Exchequer said that the Italians had it right; adding that the Pound-Sterling world would always be superior to the Euro’s Rod Sterling world.
China finally weighed in with Asia’s only comment on the Greek currency crisis. The Minister of Finance said that China, from Greece, had learned the central lesson of western democracy which is:
Never loan money to any country that allows its citizens to vote.