There is sits, ladies and gentlemen, in all its succulent tradition, rich in history, rich in legend, and rich in calories and carbohydrates.

Note, if you will, the gleaming burnt umber coloration of the surface, a surface that only hints at the luscious compacted mass underneath. Befittingly, it is adorned with jewel-like implantations of candied red and green cherries and bits of golden pineapple, all reflecting holiday candlelight off their leathery surfaces like the rubies, emeralds, and sapphires in a royal crown.

Shards of imbedded walnuts and pecans add fascinating textural qualities. It is a work of art, noble in its creation, and regal in its appearance. It is, ladies and gentlemen, a FRUITCAKE!…