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"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM SHOWCASE

October- November 2010 Humor Writing Contest Results!

Congratulations to the Finalists of our October- November 2010 Humor Writing Contest!

The Cellular Shootout

By Jarod Duley

Announcer 1: … And we’re back from that minute cell identification break. In case you are just tuning in to the microscope we are LIVE! At the Sub Atomic Stadium. Featuring the Flagellumless Parameciums versus the Two Celled Amoebas in the Chromosome Cup! My name… is not important. I am joined by my fellow chromy. His name… is even less important. The referees have given the signal to resume play. It appears the two players are okay after their membranes collided during the last rebound attempt. This game has really come down to the last mutation!

Announcer 2: The ‘Meciums have few backup players to choose from. Several of their star players are on the injured list from lack of X’s or Y’s.

A1: Resuming play now. Lester Lipid winds up for the pitch… Oh! An amazing curve ball to the outside. Strike two on Roy Bisome. One more swing like that and the Amoebas will be the winners!

A2: He must’ve had his nucleus closed to swing at that one, don’t you think?

A1: Yes I do think so. But the ref has called a timeout.

A2: He seems to be checking the ball. Could Lipid have tampered with it?

A1: Let us hope not. This game is too important for pranks… No! Unbelievable! The ref has found cytoplasm on the ball!

A2: Lipid must have sabotaged it during the timeout! That sneaky symbiote!

A1: Nonetheless, a slimy situation for the Amoebas. No pun intended, of course.

A1: There has been a ruling on the field. The line judge has ruled that the Parameciums will kick a field goal. If the ‘Meciums can convert they will be the neeew champions!

A2: You can feel the electrons in the air! This has turned out to be an exciting game! I love this sport! I hope I never divide!

A1: The Parameciums are lining up for the penalty kick. Roy Bisome has been chosen as the kicker. This could be it folks.

A2: I hope he has his nucleus open this time.

A1: Yes. Let us hope so.

A2: I hope next season we can share DNA as exciting as this.

A1: Roy Bisome has the ball. He seems to be having a difficult time selecting the proper club. There. He has it now. A putter! He’s going to use a putter?!

A2: It’s too late. He must use it according to handbook rules. It makes no sense! That is a 30 micrometer shot he has to make. The distance is too small!

A1: Bisome seems to be looking down field at his opponent Mito Chondria. It will be up to him to block Bisome’s shot. Have these two ever matched up before? Do we have any stats?

A2: …I’m afraid RNA has not transmitted that info to us.

A1: The ref has blown the whistle to resume play. Bisome lines up. The snap. He catches the ball, throws down his club, and starts charging at the goalie! Mito Chondria looks poised . Bisome jumps for the goal line. Mito jumps to intercept. OH! They have collided! It looks like Mito stopped Bisome just short of the goal line. The crowd is going wild! This is unprecedented! The Amoebas have won the Chromosome Cup! That’s all the time for today! Join us next week for the Nucleic Acid Stakes.

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