November 15 at 7:42pm
Alrighty then! Arrived in Fort Lauderdale, first night, full service hotel, bar, restaurant, beautiful and clean hotel!! Yeehaw!

November 16 at 8:24pm
2nd hotel. Not quite as groovy as the first. Clock is making ticking and stuttering sound. Very soon, clock will be unplugged. It goes like this tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic badadaddadadadadaadadada tic tic tic tic tic tic badbdbdbdbdbdbbdba. It isn’t even a tic tock clock. Just a digital one… What the heck?

November 16 at 8:31pm
Clock problem solved. I have now located a few short “hairs” on my sheets and one on my pillow.
In addition, I’ve noted that directly above my bed is a poorly disguised repair from where the ceiling evidently fell in on a previous occasion.
This is disconcerting.

November 16 at 8:33pm
No food in hotel. I am told there is a Denny’s next door. Perhaps I will look for a vending machine.

November 16 at 8:34pm
I’m in luck, I found a couple Saltines. Yeah me.

November 16 at 8:47pm
OK, my hotel room toilet just threw up on it’s own. I haven’t set foot in there since I walked in the room at 6pm.
I am on the bed on the laptop and I just heard, “Blooo-up blup blup” emitting from the toilet. ???????????
I guess I could turn on the TV. But there is so much activity with the clock and the toilet and all.

November 16 at 8:50pm
OK, I went in and looked at the toilet. I flushed it just for the heck of it.
Then I turned on the TV. It says, “If I can’t give the hotel a perfect 10 to please let them know…”
“…Uh… Are we talking 10 out of 100?”

November 16 at 8:55pm ·
HA! There is also a frightening stain on the beige curtain with blue trim… not to mention that there are two heat/AC unit deals. One of those old-timey ones under the window; one thermostat. I figured the thermostat was a good place to start… so far… in three hours nothing has happened. Then I observed the old timey freaker. It reminded me of Elf when he called his dad and said it was “Evil.”

November 16 at 9:00pm
The lamps are sky blue and aqua swirled color. Almost looks like a lava lamp with no lava. I think when you check in, you are supposed to be smokin’ weed.

November 16 at 9:02pm
Oh good.. It’s all OK now… because I can order an “adult” movie here. NICE!
“Hey Baby, let’s me n u watch us a porn flick n ‘nen’ I’ll take u for a real niiiiiice dinner at the Denny’s. Whutcha thank, baby?”

November 16 at 9:14pm
I am now itching. Bed bugs. I am now going to change my reservation for Wednesday-Friday to somewhere else. I went to find a vending machine and all three times in the elevator it reeks of smoke. Plus, this time I checked out the elevator certificate. It expired in August of 2008! Plus, all other guests in hotel are frightening.
The toilet (that has re- blurped again) I think is connected in some way to the dude beside me. Every time my neighboring room takes a “restroom break” I hear about it from my toilet that wishes to barf.
It turns out that the “Evil” furnace is the working one. The thermostat is just for “looks.” I am now keeping the TV on to drown out all the groovy fun neighbors that frighten me. I very carefully looked under the sheets to see what I could find when trying to find the source of the stench in the corner. I didn’t find anything under the sheets, but decided not to continue looking for fear of what I might find.

November 16 at 11:07pm
FLEAS! FLEAS! THERE ARE FLEAS! I JUST HAD TWO HOP ON ME.

November 16 at 11:18pm
After confirming bites were from fleas, got annoyed, called desk to move rooms. Went to 2nd room, called desk — made dude come see pubes on sheets. Got “fresh” set of sheets. I am putting on myself. Toilet seems less evil. Good news, got coupon for free night stay at flea-ridden, pubic-hair sheeted, evil-toilet hotel. That will come in handy.

November 17 at 8:20pm ·
Day 3, Naples; Hampton Inn. Sheets are pube and flea free! Toilet and radiator are not demonized and ceiling is not falling in! Yeah Me! (Tiny setback when, after dinner, went to wrong room. But they’ll get over it — I didn’t see anything anyway). 😉

November 18 at 10:06am ·
Night 4; Courtyard by Marriott. Not completely sucky. Threw an Alka Seltzer in the toilet just in case. Radiator a little sucky but not evil.

November 18 at 12:08pm
This part of report regards gas station just visited while traveling. Went to use facilities. Sign read: Restrooms are guaranteed to meet your satisfaction. Pee was on side of toilet, grungy frightening roundish thing in corner. Toilet paper on floor. I didn’t complain, however, since the rat trap under the sink was unoccupied.