1. Bake a two-layer round cake, chocolate, reduced sugar, made with Splenda.
2. Let cool.
3. Mix up the sugar-free fat-free instant chocolate pudding to go in between the layers. Estimate how much milk has to be added, since you used some of the pudding powder to ruin a fat-free sugar-free milkshake earlier in the week.
4. Carefully remove the first layer and place on a nice dish.
5. Go to the cupboard to get the Splenda sweetened chocolate icing. After frantically searching, realize that you only thought about buying it, and that in fact, it is not there.
6. Go back to the counter and stare at the layers of cake.
7. Eat a piece of high calorie banana bread that a sweet old neighbor gave your husband, that happens to be next to the cake. Think and chew.
8. Light bulb! Reach for the peanut butter in your lazy Susan. Think about melting it and drizzling it in between the layers and using the pudding for the icing instead…
9. The peanut butter is easy enough to spread without melting….initially. Get it mostly spread on before the bottom layer completely disintegrates and is still something like a cake. Think about how nice it is that you will be covering it up with another, fresh, virgin layer.
10. Eat another piece of banana bread.
11. Mix more milk into the pudding. The amount you guessed at made a very lumpy, non-frosting and non-pudding-like texture… (Note to self: Ix-nay on the eyeballing udding-pay….)
12. While the new and improved pudding is setting up, go to a different cupboard to get the mini chocolate bars your sister sent you, with the plan of crumbling them up on top of the pudding/icing concoction, thereby saving the dessert and making it look appetizing in the eyes of your sweet darling children. Reach in and pull out an empty plastic bag with many shiny silver wrappers laying around it. Think to yourself..” @*#&@$% Children…..” as the wrappers float softly down to the counter.
13. Spread “pudding” on the cake. This will give your cake a slightly chocolately-small pox look. Don’t panic. There is still another cupboard you haven’t tried.
14. Go to the last cupboard and pull out a very old bag of confectioners sugar. Pour some into your hand and break apart the hard lumps that have formed over the years. Sprinkle on top of the cake. This will serve as a very effective camouflage.
15. Laugh silently to yourself as your children enter the room and “Ohhh” and “Ahhh” at the lumpy, rude enigma on the counter.
16. Be glad that you left enough banana bread for yourself to have for dessert.
And there you have it, Lori’s Reduced Sugar Low Calorie With Added Peanut Butter And Sugar For Extra Calories And Sugar Cake…