I love electronic gadgets. In fact, I’ve become so obsessed with gadgets, that I have gadgets for my gadgets. For example, I’ve got an organizer that attaches to my cell phone. Do I really need this? No, but, it makes a great conversation piece. “Hey, is that the new organizer for the Motorola?” strangers ask. I smile and think I’m pretty cool. However, when asked for a demonstration, I’m forced to admit that I don’t use it all that often.
Speaking of organizers, at one point, I had three electronic organizers and a Rolodex. Amazingly, I still missed appointments and forgot birthdays.
I also have a laptop for when I want to sit poolside and check my e-mail. Unfortunately, I don’t have a pool or a backyard in my apartment. However, I do use it to watch a “Three Stooges” CD Rom.
My wife finds this amusing but I’ve begun to find it disturbing. I have several great, expensive gadgets that are collecting dust. I want to use them but simply don’t have the time. “Is this a sickness?” I ask my wife. “Just one of many,” she replies. I then call her a “wise guy” in my best Curly impersonation.
Thankfully, my wife doesn’t watch the Three Stooges, otherwise, she’d probably smack me in the face or pull my nose. Then again, I don’t think anyone is as addicted to TV as I am. Last year, I purchased a 1.5” color TV so I don’t miss a moment of my favorite shows. If nature calls, the TV is right there with me.
When my wife was expecting our second child, I desperately wanted the gang from “Everybody Loves Raymond” by my side as I cut the umbilical cord. However, I decided it would have been incredibly selfish to watch TV as my wife was in the throes of labor. Besides, there was a better alternative—purchase a brand new digital video recorder, record it and watch it in the comfort of my own home.
The impending birth caused another dilemma. Which camera would I use to cover the birth—the digital camera, the camcorder, the conventional camera, or, what’s behind door number four—a brand new, state-of-the-art camera that has the features of all three? My mind raced with excitement. This was a brilliant idea that couldn’t be forgotten and had to go directly into my organizer—but which one?
I quickly came back down to earth realizing money would be better spent on diapers and baby food. (Ironically, this enlightenment occurred on the same day I purchased the digital video recorder.) Finally, I exercised sound judgment and logic.
However, when it comes to possibly the greatest gadget ever made—the remote control—logic goes out the proverbial window. When I have my TV clicker, I’m in charge. “Who’s the man now?” I exclaim as I watch four shows at once. “A man with the attention span of a three-year-old,” my wife replies. Her insults can’t phase me because I have officially morphed into Remote Control Warlord—Master of Family Entertainment. Men around the world can relate this to high.
Unfortunately, at the end of night, my reign as warlord ends. I once again become a married man in charge of taking out the trash and making sure the oil is changed…but at least I have my gadgets.