I love Ash Wednesday. It’s the only day where it’s socially acceptable to walk outside with a filthy face.

The effects of this holy day are best experienced down in the Wall Street section of Manhattan. Men in Saville Row suits and women in floor-length mink coats walk around with enough dirt on their heads to start an ant colony.

Ordinarily, these people would be mortified to find a sliver of oregano in their teeth; today, they’ve got …