Every guy agrees that being married to a girl with an amazing body and ugly face is better than being espoused to a girl with a cute face and obese body. Allow me to paint a mental image of what being with each of these girls would be like.
On one hand, a girl with smoking hot body but an ugly face will get stared at by everybody when you are with her. They will say, “dang, that girl’s face is a little messed up, but I bet that guy is one happy man to be with a girl with a body like that,” as they look at both of you with jealousy. In public, you won’t have to worry about her being too heavy to be in an elevator with other people. If you are concerned that her werewolf-like face will scare all your friends away, just go to Kroger and buy 4 of the 100-pack sandwich bags to cover her face with. The great thing is that you will have a bag for everyday of the year, and have some left over!
A conservative family might look at your girl and think that you might just be marrying her for her body because there’s no way the neighbor’s dog would lick her face. If you come from a liberal or laid back family, they will just crack open a quart of chocolate milk, put a bag over her head, and say, “have at it my son”. Your grandfather will definitely leave you his Rolls Royce in his will if you keep bringing that wife over for Thanksgiving dinner every year.
The most important thing you have to remember about being married to a girl with a supermodel body and head shaped like a traffic cone is the cuddling situation You can lay your head on her stomach and rest. While resting, you can count sheep, dream about being a millionaire, and think of a way to push over that port-a-potty while your supervisor is in there using the bathroom.
One the other hand, if you are married to an obese girl with a pretty face, the family situation is not going to be a good one. The day your dad meets who you are going to be spending the rest of your life with will be the day you are no longer his son. At Thanksgiving, everyone will give thanks that your wife is large enough to provide heat for the house in the winter. Your rich grandfather will not be very thrilled to see you at gatherings. As a matter of fact, you start to notice that every time you head for the car to go see your family at Christmas, your tires are slashed. The family says the same thing to you every year: “We are sorry you couldn’t come! Maybe we can get together next time for Christmas at your house with your lovely wife.” You never hear back from them.
The food in your house will disappear like a fart in the wind the second you bring that girl home. At cook outs, you cannot tell if you are at a cook out or a hot dog eating contest. The way your wife is eating all your food, you will have to do something or you will starve. The only thing that will put a smile on your face is when you look at her joyful visage while she crams hot wings into her mouth at frightening speed, and you realize one day this will be over. You can then spend hours fantasizing and dreaming of the moment that one of those wings gets stuck in her throat and you will be unable to reach around her to perform a Heimlich maneuver.
This fat girl will want to cuddle with you, which is of course out of the question. However, you know there is no escape since she has her own gravitational pull. Cuddling becomes rather difficult when the girl you are cuddling with smells of cool ranch Doritos and body odor, and you should try putting your arm around a refrigerator if you don’t believe that it is hard to cuddle with an obese girl.
Please, take my advice that being married to a girl with an amazing body but an ugly face is better than being married to a cute-faced girl with an obese body.