Once upon a time, it was a dark and stormy night. Not a creature was stirring, not even a …* Hold it!!!

Who’s That Knocking at the Door? Somebody’s Ringin’ the Bell!

Slowly I turned … step by step … inch by inch.

“It Had to Be You,” I commented as Suzi crashed through the door.

“I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair,” she cried.

“Jesus Christ — Superstar?!”

“The One and Only!”

“I told him We Can Work It Out. All You Need Is Love. I subordinated my life to him Eight Days a Week! He knew when we started I was a Paperback Writer!”

“Well, there you go! You two don’t speak the same language. Remember when you met him he asked, ‘Do You Know the Way to San Jose?’ You know they’re all Twits in Silicon Valley!”

Poor Suze. She thought Apple, Blackberry and spam were foods. She wrote on paper.

“I mailed him a letter. I told him It’s Now or Never. You’re Always on My Mind.”

“Right, and it got Returned to Sender.”

“I thought we had A Groovy Kind of Love.”

“Sorry, Suze; I haven’t heard Both Sides Now, but I know he’s thinking ‘She’s Under My Thumb.’ I have No Sympathy for the Devil.”

“I’ll Be Alone Again, Naturally,” she wailed. “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again.”

But, Suze, “There’s Got to Be a Morning After,” a “Bridge over Troubled Water.”

And then Suzie said these amazing words: “You’re right! He Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hound Dog!”

Hallelujah!!

*(Overworked phrases and song titles lifted from Edward Bulwer-Lytton, The Beatles, Neil Diamond, Burt Bacherach, Elvis Presley, Abbott and Costello, various musicals, fairy tales and George Frederick Handel)