How rude!

Of all the offensive surveys to be conducted, this one claims that Americans are inconsiderate jerks.

Yeah, well, you can just take that and …

Oops. That would be too rude to say. But the crummy survey deserves it.

In a telephone poll conducted this year by the research group Public Agenda, 79 percent of adults claim that a lack of respect and courtesy in American society is a serious problem. Then they blasted air horns into the phones before smashing down the receivers, breaking the eardrums of the survey takers.

Sixty-one percent of those surveyed — before throwing their phones across their rooms — said they believe things have gotten worse in recent years, according to The Associated Press.

They, of course, believe themselves to be the 21 percent who are considerate. Most of the time.

Yeah, right. As if they would know!

Anyway, nearly half the 2,013 people surveyed said they walked out of the store in the past year because of lousy customer service.

Try getting stuck in a drive-through lane with lousy service. They berm those babies up, and stick cars in front and behind you so you can’t get out. All you can do is sit there and beep and beep and beep and yell and beep some more. It’s irksome, I tell you.

Half of those surveyed complained about people who talked on cell phones in loud or annoying manners. C’mon, your friend has the phone up to his or her ear.
Yeah, I know. You don’t need to raise your voice in the restaurant, for cryin’ out loud. Apparently the only person who can’t hear you is the person you’re talking to. The rest of us got it loud and clear.

By the way, we think you should use the ointment, not the cream, for the rash you were yapping about while we tried to crunch our salads.

Sixty percent of the respondents, just before they kicked their cats, said they regularly see other people driving aggressively or recklessly. So they just ran them off the road to teach them some manners.

Hey, it’s a rough world out there. Don’t like it? Tough noogies.

So what happened to our society? What made us so blame cantankerous? All of you goofs, I mean. I remain the sweet, cuddly bag of cheer I’ve always been.

One respondent had a theory about that. Get this — it’s Elvis’ fault!

Most of the people in the poll blamed our crass pleasantries on things like overcrowding in malls or increasingly busy lives that leave us barely enough time to stomp on the roses we used to stop and smell.

But one woman in Texas said it dated back to the 1950s when The King held court.

“It was shocking when Elvis was shaking his hips up there, but now we see whole naked bodies,” she told The Associated Press. “It started with Elvis, and that was a little overboard, but that was the beginning of what we have today.”

Nothin’ but a hound dog cryin’ all the time. So we stepped on her blue suede shoes and told her we were loving her tender-like. Let me tell you, that was no teddy bear who growled back.

There’s just no accounting for how rude some people can be.