Who put your Pringles in a can? And why’d they do it? Because if you put your hand in there, it’s not coming back out. Who thinks up container designs and do they give out awards for the good ones?

I was out of toothpaste one day, so I gave the tube a Herculean squeeze and out squirted one more glob (that’s the technical term) for a final brushing. If the toothpaste had been in a different container—a glass mayonnaise jar, for example—I would have been out of luck.

What a great idea, the tube. Maybe they should put other squishy things in tubes too, like peanut butter, jelly, or marshmallow cream. Ketchup is finally available in a squeezable tube-like container. Remember when it only came in a skinny glass bottle? What were they thinking? Did you ever have to put a knife in there to get the ketchup out? I wonder how many other people did the same thing. Or used a dirty knife. Or a French fry. Gross.

Someone obviously thought that ice cream in a cardboard carton was a good idea, but I’d have to disagree. When the kids leave the carton out on the countertop and the ice cream melts, you’ve got a soggy little boat in a giant puddle of milk with sticky rivers of cream running down the cupboard doors to the floor. I hope that guy didn’t get an award.

Those individual microwavable soup containers are brilliant. But have you ever gotten the metal pop-top off without flicking soup bits all over yourself? If it weren’t for that one flaw…

I love bags of things with resealable tops, like Ziplocs. They’re so practical. The other day, while snacking, I was thinking it would be a great idea to put resealable tops on potato chip bags. But then I ate all the chips, so it didn’t matter any more.

One of my favorite containers is the cardboard cylinder for the orange push-up. You just keep pushing the sherbet up towards your face with the plunger as you eat more and more. It’s like a feed bag on a stick. What a cool idea. And you don’t have to worry about it melting all over the countertop because if you think about it, who would ever leave one lying around? If you have a push-up, you’re going to eat it.

Those Cheese Whiz folks really knew what they were doing—putting their product in a can with a nozzle and some propellant. You can cheese your crackers from the other side of the room. Or eat the cheese without the crackers. (Admit it, you’ve done it.) You don’t even have to dirty a knife or a finger with such an efficient food-delivery system. Plus, you can use it as weapon, firing artificial cheese at unsuspecting passersby.

They could put peanut butter in a Cheese Whiz can too. By why stop there? Why not use it for non-food products as well, like sunscreen and liquid soap? Let’s face it, when they figured out how to get the string in there, they opened the door to unlimited possibilities. Now the silly string guy—that guy deserves an award.