Have you ever watched that TV show in which people hunt for a place to live, are shown three listings by a real estate agent, pick one of the three, and live happily ever after-—all in 30 minutes, minus commercials? If you haven’t seen the program, it goes something like this:

A perky hostess tells viewers that today’s house seekers are “Betty and Jim.” They’re in search of another home because Jim commutes four hours and can’t spend time with his kids. “Not being with my children kills me,” Jim says, as his three little boys, engrossed in video games, ignore him.

Betty is playing kissy-poo with a miniature Schnauzer. “Our Gloria needs more space. This house is closing in on her.”

Enter the real estate agent. He says, “Jim and Betty are looking for $750,000 houses with a budget of $300,000 in an area that doesn’t have a lot of inventory—-but I’m confident I’ll find them exactly what they want.”

The agent takes Jim and Betty inside House One.

Betty leads the way, right into the kitchen. “Yuk,” she says, “rooster wallpaper. I hate rooster wallpaper.”

“Easy fix,” the agent says.

“Are you going to fix it?” Jim asks him.

The agent clears his throat. “Let’s peek at the backyard.”

“Hey, no mowing,” Jim says, “it’s concrete.”

“Gloria hates concrete,” Betty snaps.

The agent ignores Betty. “There’s a cozy deck,” he says. (It’s a two-by-four-foot stoop, but what the heck.) “You can put a table on it and have coffee in the morning.” He’s so passionate you can practically smell caffeine.

“I hear noise,” Jim says, looking up.

“That would be from the airport,” the agent says.

“Must be close,” Jim says, as the shadow of a Boeing 747 covers the yard.

“Let’s go back inside,” shouts the agent over the drone of the plane.

As they climb 25 steps to the second floor, the agent regales the value of exercise.

“Gloria is arthritic,” Betty says.

The agent must know the sale of this house is doomed, but Jim promises to consider it.

They go on to House Two. “This one is a mid-century fixer-upper,” the agent says. He warns that the house is a bit dated, as he opens the door to a world of khaki-colored knotty-pine.

“If you can get passed the paneling the view is spectacular,” the agent promises. “You’ll see sunsets.”

“Can we see them from the yard?” Jim asks.

“Well, there isn’t actually a yard. This is a hillside house.”

Betty and Jim look out the back windows, beyond which the hillside abruptly ends. They stare into a deep abyss.

“Where will the kids play?” Jim asks.

“Where will Gloria play?” Betty asks.

”There’s a great park two miles from here,” the agent says.

They take a quick look around and even though Jim says the house has a moldy odor (he’s gagging), he promises to consider its purchase.

Lastly, the agent takes Betty and Jim to House Three, this time with the kids and Gloria in tow. “This house,” the agent says, “just came on the market and I thought of you right away, even though it’s really far from your desired locale.” He saves the best for last. “It has a pool and hot tub!”

The three kids run poolside. “Daddy, Mommy, buy the house!”

Jim goes to his children, kneels down and says, “You know that this house means a longer commute than I have now. I’ll see you even less.”

A chorus of ‘‘don’t cares” comes from the trio, as they bolt toward the pool’s slide.

Betty is sitting on the side of the hot-tub, holding Gloria in the bubbling water, massaging her canine’s arthritic parts.

“Do you want to see the inside?” the agent asks.

The couple and agent do a perfunctory walk-though. The boys and Gloria jump in the pool. Betty and Jim put the house on consideration status.

As the TV show closes, we wait to see which house the couple has chosen. We don’t learn if they’ve sold their old house, looked at dozens of other homes, or if their move was a nightmare. All we finally learn they’ve picked the house with the pool. Before the show ends, we’re told it’s two months later. The camera pans over Betty, the three kids, and Gloria blissfully settled in their hot-tub. Betty says that this is the perfect house and they will live there forever.

Jim is on the road somewhere, commuting.