Have you ever been to the doctor’s office and experienced visits like this with your doctor?

“You may experience some discomfort.” Translation: Get ready for some excruciating pain, Unbearable discomfort, and jaw jarring agony.

“This medicine has very few side effects. It is very safe.” Translation: it is remarkably safe are the words of the salesman who left the samples for the doctor. Get ready to take the ride of your life. You will spin out of control. The Vertigo will be so intense you will wake in the middle of the night, head swimming and the room traveling at warp speed. Try throwing up into a ten quart cleaning pail traveling at the speed of sound. Good luck hitting the target.

“This surgery may have some minor setbacks.” Translation: Get ready to wake up hooked to four different machines. One for breathing, one to allow all that solution to drip into your body, one to monitor your heart, and blood pressure, and one to calculate everything for billing purposes.

“Does this hurt? “Translation: The doctor touches where it hurts the most, adding to the already torturous, persistent throbbing pain. Then he asks, “Did that hurt?” as if he had not already caused you enough pain to go into cardiac arrest.

“How are we feeling?” Translation: Will you live long enough to pay your bill? If not would you mind paying cash on your way out? Where do they get this “we” thing? As if they felt your pain.

“Do you smoke?” Translation: “I need something to blame on your affliction”.

“Do you drink alcohol?” Translation: Because if you do, you will be restricted to one, one ounce drink per day. If you do not imbibe, he is thinking, maybe you should, because then you would not spend so much time bugging him about your ailments.

“You need to get more exercise.” I love this one. Translation: Your mind tells you to exercise while your body declares “you got to be kidding me.” By the way, did you see his new Mercedes in the parking lot? You have to wonder how much exercise he gets, and who is paying for that fancy automobile.

“This prescription, It should take care of your problems.” Translation: “If it does not kill you first.

Check the side effects. Often they are worse than the cure. You went to the doctor to get something to help you sleep, not vegetate. The small add on tags on your medicine bottle filled at the pharmacy for insomnia probably say something like this. “May cause light headiness, drowsiness (You can hope), diarrhea, upset stomach, headache, Gout, upper respiratory infection, pneumonia and get this, insomnia.

“I want to see you again in two weeks.” Translation: I need to make a payment on my new Mercedes by the end of the month.

Before you make that next appointment with your doctor, be sure you are truly in need of his or her services.