Annoying as it is, unwanted e-mails are a part of internet users’ lives. Call it spam, bulk or junk mail, there it is, filling up inboxes. My internet service provider does a good job filtering the junk but because they don’t always get it right, I periodically scan through the list of messages, click “delete all” and free my hard drive of unwanted incoming.
Often, curiosity gets the best of me and I take a closer look before I click.
Several messages from different senders asked me the same question: How would you like to add three inches? Well, if they’re talking about adding three inches to my waist and hips, they’re too late. I’m doing a pretty good job of that myself. However, if the intent is to add three inches to me vertically, I’m tempted to check it out. Recently, during my bone density scan I discovered I’d lost an inch-and-a-half in height since my previous one three years ago. Yikes! The Incredible Shrinking Woman! The tech quickly assured me that this is normal for women as we get older, but that did not assuage my anxiety. At this rate, I envisioned myself one day looking up at my cat!
But back to the three inches offered by the e-mailers–I’m guessing they don’t mean vertically or horizontally. In fact, since I’m female, I doubt they’re talking about me at all and I click them into oblivion.
As I further peruse my junk mail, I note I’ve received several from ladies with offers of their own. Kayla, Jennifer, Lisa2819, AnneMarie, Mitzi and numerous others, all asking if I want to hook up tonight. I contemplate what would happen if these “girls” coordinated their offers. It would be quite a crowd! Again, I’m guessing they aren’t aware of my gender. Intriguing as the prospect sounds, I send them into the black hole called cyberspace, along with one from Tiffany3730 who’s HOT tonight and invites me to join her via webcam. Pretty sure she’s not talking about watching as she brushes her teeth!
The range of topics in my junk mail folder is endless. I can get out of debt, raise my IQ, buy property in Costa Rico, get a degree, order the weight loss pill Oprah endorses, lose 20 pounds with a colon cleanse (ew!), learn the secret of winning at slots, train to be an auto mechanic or find out if I’m a winner in some sweepstakes/contest I never entered. Tempting, but I have a feeling I know the answer before opening the message. So, all these and dozens of other incoming get the click-you’re-gone treatment and my junk mailbox is much shorter.
There’s one message, though, that catches my attention. It is from a Mrs. Mary Martins in Switzerland, who starts her message with “Beloved, Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” She goes on to say she is recently widowed, childless and dying from cancer, with only two months to live. Her husband, a wealthy man, left her his business and wealth of £9 million. Somewhere, Mrs. Martins found my name, and after much prayer, has decided to share that £9 million with me upon her death. Once she hears from me, she will send me the informations (sic) I’ll need to get this money released to my bank account. She only needs the number to complete the transaction. It is her fervent prayer that I use the money to help the less privileged, as God spoke to her and told her that is what He wants her to do. Touched as I am by Mrs. Martins’ offer, I think I won’t take her up on it. I’m pretty sure if I gave her my bank account number I’d shortly find myself among the less privileged she’s so concerned about. Oddly enough, a few months later I receive the same offer from her, and while I’m relieved she survived past the two months she had to live, I once more consign her message to the black hole of cyberspace.
When I click the “delete all” button on my junk mail messages, it is with a certain sense of melancholy, watching them disappear from my screen. They have provided an entertainment value I haven’t always appreciated. But I need not fear. They will be back, I’m sure. Like cans of Spam on grocery shelves, spam e-mail is plentiful and easy to open, if you can stomach what’s inside!