Here are some phrases commonly used by people that often mean something entirely different:

1. I hate to tell you I told you so. Real meaning: I’m going to love every minute of this.
2. Does this outfit make me look fat? Real meaning: I don’t think it does, so you better not either.
3. I’ll call you tomorrow (after a date). Real meaning: Only if I found you interesting and/or attractive, otherwise you’ll never hear from me again and I might even change my number if you have it.
4. It’s not you, it’s me. Real meaning: Of course it’s you, what else could it be?
5. What a beautiful baby. Real meaning: All babies look about the same. I’m just being nice.
6. Would you like to see photos of my vacation and/or grandchildren? Real meaning: My vacation and/or grandchildren are better than yours, want to see?
7. Is this bothering you? Real meaning: Please ask me what I’m doing.
8. Do you mind if I…..? Real meaning: I don’t really care if you do mind, I’m just being nice.
9. I do. Real meaning: Dear God I hope this works out, but if it doesn’t can I get a do-over?
10. Do you mind if I borrow that? Real meaning: I know you can’t refuse without harming the friendship, so I’m taking advantage of that.