Because women don’t possess the physical strength of men, they’ve evolved with a gene that more than makes up for it. I believe the gene’s scientific name is ( The Badgering Gene). It started way back with Eve. Poor Adam didn’t want nothing to do with that apple, But Eve badgered the hell into him; and Adam,looking Heavenward muttering “You call this Paradise”, took a chomp out of that forbidden fruit just to shut Eve up. ( The Badgering Gene) rears its ugly head whenever a woman wants to get a man to do something, (Which basically means, its always reared).

Fortunately, men have evolved with their own defensive mechanism to combat (The Badgering Gene). This mechanism is a hidden ear-flap, deep inside the ears of men that closes the ears off automatically whenever it detects the sound of (The Badgering Gene), which basically means, men are deaf.

However, once ( The Badgering Gene) is defeated by ( The Hidden Ear-flaps), the battle may not be over. If the women’s objective is something she wants really bad; (E.G., Vacation, roof fixed, underwear picked up), she will employ her most powerful weapon. Women know, men have no defenses against it. The mere mention of it will cause ( The Hidden Ear-Flaps) to pop open like spring-loaded hatches…..”WANT SOMETHING TO EAT DEAR?”……What were you thinking?

Women are extremely jealous of men’s superior car radio operating skills. As my finger blazes, ( almost as fast as my wife’s does flipping through a clothes rack at Kohl’s), non-stop, through all available stations, until about the ninth cycle when, My wife, eyes bulging, spittle spraying, bellows ” JUST LEAVE IT ON SOMETHING”. Patiently, I explain how men’s brains process things much faster; and how……..OUCH!!!…This always seems to end with domestic violence.

Only women are capable of multi-tasking is simply not true. We men can drive a car, cycle non-stop through the radio stations, scream every known obscenity ( and a few made up ones); and flip off every other driver on the road…. All at the same time.

Examples of why women should never be in control of the remote: Real Housewives Of Orange County, What Not To Wear, Nineteen Kids And Counting; and some dumb cake making show, that I can’t remember the name of. How can anyone with half a brain be entertained by that stuff? I mean, she came in and changed the channel in the middle of my favorite Spongebob Squarepants episode.

Men should never attempt to open a sealed jar after just applying hand lotion.( Yes, I said hand lotion). Living in N/W Pennsylvania, where the weather is comparable to Antarctica six month of the year, if not used, one runs the risk of developing the dreaded “SPLITS”. ( Not to be confused with “Splitters”, which is an altogether different affliction, unique to the male sex. If your a man, or a women who cleans bathrooms, you’ll understand). The “SPLITS” form on the tips of your fingers; and though tiny in stature, they rate high on the pain scale, they are also magnetized to all known substances and will literally pull themselves into any object within reach, causing eye-watering, obscenity filled collisions. I had one of these “SPLITS” when my wife was going through labor; and she had the audacity to complain to me about her pain.

Wife: “Ahhhhh, ohhhhh; eeeek, @&#$!%#, GIVE ME MY EPIDURAL!!!”

Me: “What are you complaining about? Look at this” ( Presenting my finger with the SPLIT).

I don’t remember much after that, as I was struck in the head with a piece of medical equipment.

God help you if you develop multiple SPLITS. Last year I had SPLITS on fingers of both hands, causing me five days of self-imposed constipation, and the discovery that there are limits to my wife’s love; and thus, forcing the installment of a Bidet.
Anyway, due to my extreme fear of the SPLITS, hence, the necessary use of hand lotion, I’ve recently suffered a horrible experience; ATTENTION MEN!!, do not attempt to open a sealed jar after applying hand lotion. As my fingers spun around the cap like a top, my wife, watching my struggle says “Give it to me”, In which I say “When Hell freezes over”. She snatches the bottle from my slippery grasp and to my horror, with a slight twist comes the crackling of the seal, and her smug expression of superiority.

God help me if it lasts another thirty years!