“Mom! Are you busy? Do you want to play Tennis?”
“I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. I have wii-njuries.”
“What?”
“wii-njuries. You know, carpal wii-nal, wii-plash, wii-knee, wii-atica – wii-njuries.”
“Oh! I see. Well mom, really, if you weren’t so competitive, you probably wouldn’t be in pain.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not me. It’s the wii. It’s wii-ked. It lured me in with its fun and folly and injured me. It shouldn’t just ask my name and if I’m right or left handed. It should have a body chart that can be check marked for weak areas for anyone over 45. It shouldn’t come with just a mat and a balance board. There should be safety gear. Or, I should be able to at least get a wii-sage from it. Hey, maybe they could offer wii-nsurance to help with the doctor bills.”
“Oh mom, you’re so silly. If you could just relax and play and not have to win so badly, you’d be fine.”
“Don’t be wii-diculous! You’re just jealous! You – all of you – hate it when I beat you. I can’t help it if I’m good at games and win a lot. It’s the playing I enjoy, not the wii-nning. I just happen to win a lot.”
“WhatEv…..”
“I don’t have to win!”
“Mom, you made the kid next door cry. It was worse than the Scattergories incident of 2008. It took Justin 2 months to come back over after that. Most of my friends are afraid to come over because you challenge them to wii games which would be fine if you didn’t fight to the death. They hate to see you gloat when you win, but are scared to beat you because you go nuts.”
“That just isn’t true. You are totally exaggerating. They’re just poor sports. They can’t stand the old lady besting them. Age is just a number. They really need to get a grip. They are forgetting it’s just supposed to be fun.”
“I love you mom, even if you’re totally in denial about being psycho competitive.”
“I love you, too, even if you stink at tennis and have wimpy friends.”
“Can I get you an ice pack or the heating pad?”
“Ice would be great sweetheart. And why don’t you bring a deck of cards, and we’ll play some Gin Rummy just for fun to pass some time.”
“Sure mom. I can handle losing at cards tonight.”