The first week of school arrived at last. By the end of the week I had gotten most of the contact paper off my arms, legs and face.

While I dread the end of summer Laura and I were running out of creative ways to entertain the little people. We frown on letting the kids watch too much television, but by late August we succumbed to their barbaric torture tactics and allowed them to watch their current favorite movie “The Sound of Music” twenty four hours a day.

We even purchased a second DVD and put it in the truck so they would never be without Frauline Maria. This kept the kids quiet; however, I was susceptible to occasional outbursts of “Climb Every Mountain” and “The Lonely Goatherd” at the office. This disturbed everyone in the vicinity.

This school year is reminiscent of my days in grade school, in that, to date I’ve been summoned to the principal’s office twice. I was a frequent flier to that office and all those feelings of worry and doom raced back and stifled me the same way they did when I was twelve, which is why I was relived when I learned that the meeting was not about me but my children, the fifth grader and the dynamic duo in second grade.

The first incident was uncomfortable but easy to explain. It seems that one morning in my haste and before my coffee I intended to put a can of Pepsi in my daughter’s lunch box but instead inserted a can of Miller Lite. Luckily my daughter realized that she had “Daddy’s soda” instead of her own and promptly turned herself in. It was an innocent mistake but to be on the safe side I’m switching to Samuel Adams.

The second incident was more troubling and involved the twins in second grade. We were called in because our sweet, loving six year olds were demonstrating “obscene, discriminating and hateful behavior”. We were shocked and had no idea where this was coming from. Obviously this was a misunderstanding. They don’t bring lunch boxes to school so this was not another underage drinking incident.

We arrived at the school and the principal showed us into his office and asked if we belonged to the Nazi Party. According to him our little angels have been goose stepping around class exclaiming “Heil Hilter”. Apparently, the only thing our twins have taken from this award winning, family film is the reference to the evil regime.

Laura was appalled. I was afraid.

Earlier I mentioned that “we” allowed our children to watch “The Sound of Music” twenty four hours a day. This implies that Laura was aware of it. She wasn’t. Now I have a dilemma. Not speaking up will lead the principal of this fine school to question our family values. Speaking up will let Laura know that we really weren’t “out on nature walks” all those times I took the kids for a ride. I felt a sudden urge for a Sam Adams.

I decided to tell the truth. Mainly because it is a Catholic school and excommunication would kill my mother and put a damper on the first communion party we had planned for the second graders.

I hadn’t fooled Laura anyway. It seems that I had awoken her on several occasions with my deep sleep version of “I am sixteen going on seventeen”.

Needless to say, we look forward to the second week of school. I am de-programming the children with season one and two of The Soprano’s