Sure plenty of people told me they’d grow fast, but they also told me my GE ‘fridge would become a classic. Well, in the case of the kids, they did grow fast and I expect any day now to see them on ‘Fugitive Watch’ for holding up a convience store. No, really, they’re still too young for that, I’m kidding. They’re still flinging water balloons at passing cars.
Now they’ve both entered the teen years that Dr. Erik Erickson referred to as “Stage 5″; which starts with puberty and ends around 18 or 20 years old. This could be shorter for some teens if their grandparents have left them with a hearty inheritance in which case enable parents of said teen, to be shipped off to Liberia. Dr. Erickson describes the ‘task’ for adolescents in life is to ‘achieve ego identity and avoid role confusion”.
No, I can’t say the kids are confused, they seem quite clear that they will act out each day as if they are screening for a Jerry Springer episode.
Brother to Sister: “Hey loser, after my shower I’m going to need the laptop, so you better log off of MySpace and be ready”.
Sister to Brother: “You shower?” Not that you care, but I’m doing Bio homework, cuz some of us care about our grades”.
Brother to Sister: “Wow, you’re a baby, you’ve been on that since 3:00, I know you’re just talking to your O.C.-wanna-be friends”
Sister to Brother: “No, stoner, I’m actually doing homework, which even as a senior, you still don’t do, and by some miracle of the prophets lined up in the East, you might graduate this year”.
Brother to Sister: “At least I have a life beyond books, you recluse”. (makes wah-face)
Sister to Brother: “That’s right, you get out more than I do since you do you’re shitting in the yard” (snorts and throws a pencil at him)
Brother to Sister: “Hey, crybaby, go tell mom your subscription to Drama Queen has expired, and you need to be driven to the mall to buy more lip potion for your fat face”.
Sister to Brother: “Just wait while you’re asleep you Emo, I’m going to set fire to your little allergy-free comfortor until your Emo haircut bursts into flames.”
At this time, upon hearing of fires and other impending violence, I make myself visible from my hiding place behind the downstairs curtains, and let them know I won’t tolerate disrespectful language between them, remind them of how much their school is costing, show them photos of starving people around the world, and basically threaten them with promises of wearing my “Hooters” t-shirt to all their school conferences in the upcoming year.
This concludes my description of my two teens. I hate to cut it short, but they need the laptop.