In our Florida senior retirement community where the average age is coma, the highlight event of the year is the Super Senior Men’s golf tournament, for players 75 yrs. or older.

This Fall the men went at it for two days and finally whittled down to two gents, Herbert, 76 yrs., and Twongey, who was 83 yrs. old. They were all tied and the young Pro running the tournament called for a putting “playoff”, as the term “sudden death” is not too popular here!

There were over 2,000 spectators ringing the green when Twongey sunk a 10-putt to gain the win. A large cheer went up when the ball dropped into the cup, and in all the excitement, Twongey’s 82 yr. old girl friend, “Wrinkles” Kelley, got so carried away that she ripped off all her clothing and attempted to streak the 35-yd. wide green!

I say ‘attempted’ because Miss Kelley was using a walker!

I was in the crowd and I noticed that after “Wrinkles” stumbled by some of the fans, a few men and women standing on the fringe fainted! And after she got past me I understood why — it seems that on her right buttock she sported a facial tattoo of Mick Jagger, (as if she didn’t already have enough wrinkles!).

Anyway, it took her about a half-hour to complete the journey before she collapsed into the waiting arms of our emergency squad. They carted her off to the local hospital where she had to be treated for a horrible sunburn, while good old Twongey hit the bar at the 19th hole of the clubhouse for a few quick pops, before loyally heading to the emergency room to console his suffering fiance.