There are billions of people in this world but I guarantee that none of them are perfect. Everyone has places they shine, but nobody is immune from areas they are dim. Sure, Superman excels in almost every aspect but if you were searching for a companion to camp with on Mount Kryptonite, he’d be a poor candidate.

With that being said, I have decided to summarize my strengths and weaknesses to showcase to the world. It’s unfeasible to be successful in every facet of life so I won’t bother trying. Instead, I’m going to publicize my assets and liabilities to inform people of my limitations. This will guide everyone to draw from my expertise and avoid my deficiencies.

For instance, if you desired driving directions more precise then “the freeway is about 5 songs south of here” or a proof reader to check the grammar on you’re résumé, then you’d already know to skip my input. Conversely, if you desired an innovative excuse for a late arrival to the office like “was sidetracked rescuing cute bunnies drowning in the lake” or were doing some Autumn cleaning that required recycling leftover summer ales to clear room for Octoberfest and pumpkin lagers, I’d be the choice to pop into your head.

The goal of listing my traits is to confine the expectations held of me. The last thing I want to do is to let anyone down or be misleading. Placing my capabilities in stone will prevent people from dreaming I can aid with something I’m unsuited for. If a friend asked me to erect a shelf on their dining room wall, I’d oblige out of guilt, but the safety of any delicates placed on it would be in jeopardy.

Having an over-fixation on becoming perfect will only result in getting caught hiding weaknesses. That leads to frustrated situations where all parties result in being disappointed. Accepting my failures as a lost cause will guide all attention towards my successes. That will increase the outcome of positive conclusions and increase smiles all around. Let me stick to my strengths to do my part in making the world a flawless place.

Now without any further delay, here are my strengths and weaknesses:

Strengths
-Always can score over 100 when bowling
-Remembering things the way I want to
-Have an unnatural talent to fall asleep upon command
-Accurately estimating when the headliner will go on stage at a concert
-Am able to compare apples to oranges
-Never worry about something again if told to “never mind”
-Loyalty to my favorite color green
-Show great enthusiasm towards people’s ideas if I don’t have to do anything
-Bounce back from being told “shut up” very easily
-Am capable of rolling the “R” in any word regardless if it has an “R”
-An asset in helping recycle leftover unopened beers from parties and holidays
-Can predict the quality of a film based solely on a preview
-Being that guy to take your free extra hockey tickets

Weaknesses
-Announce my weaknesses with no intention of improving them
-Poorly reseal open bags of chips or pretzels
-Rarely offer solutions that rely on making sense
-Provide directions that only lead to the vicinity of a destination instead of exactly
-Falsely agree to do things I’ll never follow through on if I’m asked weeks in advance
-Can’t resist the urge to juggle if I notice a few oranges
-Won’t remember names if I meet more than two people at once
-Often shift the blame of my mistakes to inanimate objects or the coworker that just quit
-Forget to account for the weather when dressing in the morning
-Spell the words definately and excercise incorrectly and don’t believe in “tenses”
-Have a sense of smell that is weak and sometimes even wrong
-Take too literally “If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it” rather than being handy