It has been said that the most important thing in art is the frame, either physically or figuratively, because without it you wouldn’t know what the artist was designating as art. For it is in the context of that frame that he or she has willed their creation to be art. In painting my masterpiece I have said no to common conventions and done away with the frame. Let my art break new ground and fly in the face of adversity! My art will be unique.

I have seen art, lots and lots of art; paintings so life like you would have sworn it was a photograph and others so abstract they seemed to be merely smears of color, spots of paint thrown haphazardly at a canvass, or even a whole scene of red paint and nothing else. But I, in my rebellious nature, went the alternate route. My painting will have no paint! It sounds like a contradiction but my art is to prove a point!

By now you’re probably thinking that my masterpiece is a blank canvass with no frame and no paint. Wrong again! I would not give the world a blank canvass and say “Here! I cannot paint anything as magnificent as your imagination so picture the greatest thing you can in your mind and project it here on my blank canvas. Only it is never truly blank as we each see our own masterpiece and it changes every time.” Such sappy sentimental nonsense would be lazy! A swindle! (And I already did that last year.) No, this time I said to hell with that! My masterpiece will have no frame, no paint, AND no canvass. But what will I call it? It shan’t have a name either! I will fly my flag in the face of tradition and break every rule in the book! No paint, no frame, no canvass, no name!

But now what is left? How will you even know what my art is?

Simple.

You can see it on display. It’s in the Louvre adjacent to the Mona Lisa (on her left). I know what you’re thinking “That’s just a blank wall. I don’t see your frameless, nameless, paint less painting or anything there at all.”

Or do you?

Oh you ignorant rube. You can’t even comprehend what you can’t comprehend. My art is so sophisticated and so abstract that not even the brightest minds can define its genius and subtle simplicity. It is greater than all my previous artistic merits combined: The Blank Canvass, the radio ad I made for a big name soda company that had to be seen to be believed, and I once shot a whole movie without the use of a single camera. The actors did not take too kindly to this but even they cannot argue with true genius! For I take on the challenge of doing the impossible!

For my next project I will be putting frames around things and calling them my own. You can see my work next summer when I unveil my newest pieces The Mona Lisa, the Venus de Milo and…

You know what? I’m just going to put a frame around the entire Louvre itself.

I’m not actually allowed back in there for a while….