Attending Your High School Reunion Checklist:

12 months before:
Restrict calories.
Schedule more workouts.
Start using wrinkle cream.

9 months before:
Worry that weight isn’t coming off fast enough, and the wrinkles haven’t disappeared.

6 months before:
Ditto.

3 months before:
Consider changing your mind about attending, or decide to finally accept yourself and Grow Up. (Whatever THAT is.)
Start sharing stories with your husband.

1 month before:
Read yearbooks to remember names and faces.
Gather pictures and news clippings.
Read all hand-written notes on back of pictures and in yearbooks. Laugh and cry.
Make your husband listen to more stories.
Order teeth-whitening solution from dentist.
Schedule hair appointment.
Schedule manicure for a few days before the reunion.
Start trying on your favorite clothes and pick several outfits to wear. Despair.

2 weeks before:
Spend some time in the sun.
Commit to the long term plan of cutting your hair short and highlighting despite the upcoming reunion.
Meet with just turned 100-year-old friend for high school reunion advice as this is the first reunion attended since graduation. Share Oreos and realize life is too short to worry about the weight that hasn’t been lost and the acne scars and pimples that still show.
(She says reunions can be fun AND scary and that I should color my hair. Too late, mine is cut and highlighted and the illusion is lifted. She NEVER colored her hair!)

2 days before:
Whiten teeth one last time.
Pluck eyebrows.
Pluck chin hairs.
Trim nose hairs.

1 day before:
Remember even if you don’t have all your mental or physical faculties, you still have the essence of your youth inside.
Don’t eat beans or gas-producing vegetables.

Day of:
Remember: The risk of shared memories today may be the joy of tomorrow.
Don’t forget to wear your uplifting padded bra, and spandex thigh shapers.
Re-check for chin and nose hairs (boingers, as we call them in our family)
Remember not to eat any beans or gas-producing vegetables, then CHANGE MIND. (After all, you were the one who handed out the Fart Quiz to your math and English teachers, and willed the English teacher a bottle of flatus on Senior Day).
Embrace your friends who have taken the same journey, and smile.
Offer to light a match.