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"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HUMOR"TM SHOWCASE

August/September 2005 Humor Writing Contest Results!

Congratulations to the Honorable Mentions of our August/September 2005 Humor Writing Contest!

The Garden Spider

By Cindy Dwyer

Any mother of an eight-year-old boy can tell you that whenever he runs into the kitchen with a plastic bucket and shouts, “Hey, Mom! Look what I found!”, you are probably not going to want whatever is in the bucket to get loose in the house.

After shooing him back outside, I took a tentative look into the bucket, prepared for something to jump, crawl or slither out at me. Even expecting the worst, I couldn’t help but shriek and jump back when I saw the spider.

It was huge, with long, black and brown legs –- the kind that would definitely make a snapping noise if stepped on. The body was black with yellow designs on it. And, like I suspect all spiders do, it seemed to stare at me knowing …

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