“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we lead.” -Flora Whittemore

“The doors I open and close each day on my cat box cabinet help keep the yucky stuff inside.” -Jeff Brown

“I didn’t even know these things existed,” I said to my wife as I surfed the Internet. “I absolutely have to get one!”

The object I was talking about was a wooden litter box cabinet. It was a nice looking piece of mahogany furniture designed to hide a litter box inside. There’s an opening in the right side for the cat to climb into, and double doors at the front that swing open for easy access. “It even has a handy dandy drawer you can store the scoop shovel in!” I exclaimed, trying to sell the concept to her.

There are two cats living in our little house. We (when I say “we,” I really mean “me,” the one with the super-human olfactory nerves growing inside my nostrils that can instantly detect the moment one of the cats does his business) don’t like the way their litter box smells. The inevitable litter debris that gets into the carpet drives me crazy too, especially when I’m barefoot. YUCK!

I guess you could say I’m not thrilled with the whole idea of our pet cats, or any other animals, for that matter, doing their business inside my house. (If you’re thinking about dropping by my place for a visit, please keep this in mind!) A nice piece of furniture to hide the nasty stuff in appealed to me immensely.

Vickie was sitting on the couch next to me. She looked up from her laptop. “How much is it?”

I clicked the mouse. “Darn,” I said, “With shipping almost $200.00.”

“Buy it.”

“Really? That seems kind of high to me.”

“If it’ll make you happy,” she said, nodding her head almost frantically, “buy it.”

I glanced back at my computer screen. Every fiber in my being desired that cabinet, so I whipped out my credit card. I had litter box cabinet fever!

A few days later the UPS guy showed up with a big cardboard box. I WAS SO EXCITED! I grabbed my pocketknife (all handy guys like me carry pocketknives) and cut the box open. To my surprise, there was another cardboard box inside. I cut it open, only to find another. How ironic, I thought, to open a box within a box within a box to get to a cabinet (which is really a box) designed to conceal a litter box.

“Item Must be Assembled by an Adult,” said the instructions. This will be a piece of cake. I grabbed my screwdriver (handy guys have screwdrivers too). “Attach Left Side Panel (B), Right Side Panel (C) & Bottom Panel (D) using 4 Wooden Dowels (L), 4 Long Screws (P), and your Handy Guy Sex Chromosomes (XY).

I arranged everything on the floor and got to work. After a lot of screwing, unscrewing, doweling, aligning, prying, and a little bit of crying, I was the proud owner of a fine looking, fully assembled, litter box cabinet. I WAS SO EXCITED.

That’s why it was such a let down when my wife’s cat saw it. He seemed unimpressed. In fact, he looked at me as if he were trying to say, “If you think I’m going in there, you’re crazy.”

And at that particular moment, I think he was right.