Ever since the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman people have been making their bucket list. I haven’t got around to making mine yet. Actually, I don’t know if I will. My wife always asks me why I would make one since I never finish any other list I make. She’s got me there. She says I lose them most of the time anyway. I guess the only thing that would be on my list for sure would be to visit the other twenty states I haven’t been to. I’ve been to thirty. Make that thirty one if you count the state of confusion, which I’ve been to more than any other state.
I have most of the inside states covered. It’s those on the perimeter I’m having trouble getting to. This includes Alaska, but I know someone there so I have room and board. I just need to find out when the two days of Summer are. There are a couple of states I’m not too keen on. Can I still use the word keen? Anyway, I really don’t look forward to visiting Louisiana (no offense) I just don’t like going places with creatures that slither or can eat you if you fall out of your boat. The other state is Delaware (no offense). The main reason is I could never map it out on the geography test. That state cost me points on my final every year.
Even though I don’t have a bucket list, I do have a bucket-less list. This is filled with the things I don’t want to do before I die. I’ll share some of them with you, the rest will have to wait for the book. Hey! That’s it! Number two on my bucket list, get a book published.
My Bucket-less List:
1. Climbing Mount Everest or going anywhere I have to take oxygen to breath or where I could die from hypothermia.
2. Falling into a wood chipper. I don’t even like Shredded Wheat.
3. Meeting Snooki in a dark alley.
4. Having my tongue, nipple, or lip pierced or any other place on my body for that matter. My wife wants me to get gages. I don’t know why she would think I would look good with a couple of those things to check tire pressure hanging from my ears. At least I would know where one was at when i needed it.
5. Teaching Economics. I couldn’t stay awake when Mr. Fleckenstein taught it (no offence Fleck, wherever you are). What makes me think I wouldn’t fall asleep with me teaching it. Besides, I only remember one thing from that class, Adam Smith. Whoever he was and whatever he did, I don’t know.
6. I never want to visit a jungle. See Louisiana.
7. I don’t want to swim the Amazon River. See No. 6
8. Walk through Central Park at night. I don’t have a death wish. If Charles Bronson were alive I’d walk with him.
9. Wear a dress. All my life I have said I would never wear a dress. I’m sticking to it. Sorry honey, I know our motto is ANYTHING but I draw the line here.
10. Eat a portabella sandwich. NOT IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT! Do I capitalize portabella? Forget it, it’s a mushroom. Mushrooms don’t deserve capitalizing. Offense intended.
I could go on forever and maybe I will someday because I have yet to list any of those “that goes without saying items” such as, experiencing Typhoid, eating dog poop, or kissing an elephant. I think I have made a good start though.
So if you’re ever thinking about a Bucket List, why not try a Bucket-less List instead. It’s much easier to think of and so much easier to accomplish before you…or I kick the bucket.