1. Give your characters great names. Michael? John? Sarah? Please. This is the place for Rayven and Maritza and Zeke and Weston. Bonus points if your character’s first name is three real names combined, like SashaLouisaMarisa. Now there’s a character who’s interesting.

2.At this school, there is definitely a class system. If a character has ever once attended a keg party, he or she may never speak to anyone who has ever seen Star Trek. No member of the Shakespeare troupe can associate with any member of the baseball team.

3. Pile up on stock characters. Your choices include (but are not limited to):
Popular/”Queen Bee” Girl, Pretty Girl, Quiet New Girl, Jock, Nerdy Girl/ Boy, Nerdy Boy With Raging Hormones, Nerdy Boy Who Aspires To Join The Cool Kids, Nice/ Mean/Seems Nice But Is Actually Quite Mean Rich Guy, Drama/Film Geek….

Also, if you’re planning on writing an ’80’s influenced teen drama, plan on Cool Kid of Different Ethnicity Who Wears Large Sunglasses and Girl Who Wears Funny Hats. Those two are musts.

4. You’ll need a new kid. Either way, this new kid has to shake things up, destroy the status quo. Setting your story in the swinging world of East Manhattan, requires a “farm girl” from America’s Breadbasket or a “hippie girl” from the beaches of Malibu. Sit back and watch the baking soda and the vinegar react! This new kid should immediately either a) befriend b) become enemies with or, fingers crossed, c) both a and b with the most popular girl in school. Bonus points if your new kid feels overwhelmed in this environment.

5. You’re going to need a fantastic school, set in a rich neighborhood. Maybe your school was some relic from the Ford administration with only semi-functioning heat. Not here, though. Your new school needs a cafeteria like the food court in a mall, with sky lights and neon signs and escalators. (Yes, escalators.)

6. Load up on back-stories. You know your moody guy, the one with the black eyeliner and the beat-up guitar? Make him a Navy veteran, with some sort of harrowing war tale, and make him several years older than the main cast. Now he’s mysterious.

What about your jock guy, the one with the crew cut and the letterman jacket, who dates the girl with the Porsche? Give him an addiction to something. Not drugs or alcohol–how about… chalk? If you laugh thinking about it, that’s good. Just make him chew several sticks of chalk a day and let the drama unfold.

7. Along with your fantastic school, you’re going to need at least one “totally rad” teacher. He or she should be at most five years older than the students, the type who wears jeans every day. This teacher will only speak in either impassioned pleas (“I need you to GET it!”) or easy banter (“Well, Mr. Hotshot”). Furthermore, even though your fantastic high school holds a large number of students, all of your main characters will have this one teacher, at the same time. Obviously.

8. Finally, you’ll need some drama. If you follow these steps, the show should write itself. With a setting as glamorous as this and characters as deliciously troubled as this, the drama should flow. If you’re really stuck, create a love triangle. That should last you to the end of the series, if you play it correctly and use your best “will-they-won’t-they” know-how.

If you really can’t come up with anything, there’s always that Very Special Episode. Sorry, someone’s best friend––it’s your time to join a cult. Best of luck.

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