One amazing gift of becoming Unmistakably Old is free time. Past a certain age people assume you’re supposed to do little or nothing, exempting you from snide comments when you sit around, appearing to do nothing. Recently, during my sitting around time, I began to think about sex, and came to realize that sex is one of the major surprises of old age. There is a general belief that once a person reaches some age – probably whenever they look old, sex magically disappears from awareness, as if some internal delete button is triggered. Because that’s what people believe, that’s what they tend to see, which of course allows those of us who appear old to have an enormous amount of undetected fun.
It is true, however, that there are changes that occur with the passage of time. No longer is sex an Olympic-qualifying event. At the same time it’s important to highlight that sex remains a very physical activity. Think about it! Sex, done right, accelerates heart rate, involves repeated stretching/contracting of muscles, and in general increases stamina. It amazes me it isn’t a hot topic for geriatric fitness experts.
Timing is also an issue. Although sex at the end of the day is an age-old tradition, evening sex is risky. Sure we all have images of candlelit dinners, a romantic glass of wine, and then a fade-out to the bedroom. It’s a scene printed on the celluloid of our minds by hours in movie houses, but as mature adults we have to face facts. Most of us can’t stay awake that late, and a glass of wine is often as effective as a sleeping pill.
Another old rule that falls apart with age is the one that says that sex needs to wait until marriage. Now I’m as concerned as the next person about morality and commitment, and observing at least some of the societal rules, but facts are facts. The world is filled with single old people who, should they marry, give up one Social Security check. While Social Security may not be what my grandchildren call big bucks, it’s important income for most of us, and I frankly can’t think of any partner who’s worth that much money.
Another traditional rule that certainly doesn’t work for the old is the rule that says, take your time getting to know someone, and don’t appear too eager. That may be a good idea at twenty, but once one has arrived at old, those who take their time stand a good chance of running out of time. Indian Summer is a short season.
Then there is the visual image. We old have arrived at the time of life when “moving south” is a description of the body’s muscles rather than a search for a retirement community. If a muscle can sag, it has– not a pretty sight, and until one adjusts, there need to be alternatives. Sex in the dark – sleep interferes. Sex with clothes on – one misses half the fun. Poor eyesight helps, but lots of older people still have 20/20 vision. Blindfolds are too kinky for a lot of people. Recognizing that these superficial attributes are just that – superficial, is the only real solution, but it’s a solution that takes time. Until that happens, the following suggestions may help.
1.Begin by selecting a partner whose body has sagged further than yours so you can be generous-minded. In that way you are setting a tone of acceptance. Besides, it’s nice to be the best looking one in the room.
2. Avoid whenever possible the on-top position. The pull of gravity creates a bulldog effect on the facial muscles of the person looking down. Scary!
3. Even through it’s probably daytime, choose a place with as dim lighting as possible. Curtains help. You can never count on a partner to keep their eyes closed. Most cheat!
No doubt about it, while age brings unique problems to work around, being old can be a real estrogen/testosterone whirlwind. So the next time you pass an old person who appears to be sitting, lost in thought, perhaps you’ll give a little smile of recognition.