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Beer Served by Loving Hands

By Chris Weilert

Some folks like their chocolate, others like coffee, I like beer. I don’t like the fact that beer prices always go up but never down like gas prices. So if I want beer, I got to pony up and pay the price for my vice.

There are those who are loyal to brands and styles. I do like to indulge mostly in European lagers but still, my all-time favorite has to be, Free Beer.

Free Beer almost always tastes cold and refreshing and easy on the pocket book. I have to admit if your hosts are providing “Free Beer”, I tend to drink more than one. If they have a cold mug to go with it, even better, I may have three.

All of this love for Free Beer came to an end recently when I was given a can served by loving hands. I cracked open the little guy and anticipated a taste of mother’s milk. What I experienced after than was befuddlement. I have tasted my share of watered down artesian suds and insipid tasting swill but this was in a league of its own.

Here is the review from the magazine “Beer Advocate” followed by my own

BA: Appearance – Dark golden-yellow with copious amounts of carbonation. Head is huge and fluffy on initial pour, but quickly dissipates to practically nothing, leaving little trace of its presence on the glass.

My Review: Looked like really foamy urine

BA: Smell – Lightly malty, with a few twinges of hops

My Review: Smelled like an old bar rag from last nights poker game.

BA: Taste – Sickeningly sweet. Ugh, Like syrupy sweet. A stale sweet. Like real sugary candy past its prime. Some skunky hops keep it from being overwhelming, but this is not something I am enjoying at all.

My Review: Tasted bitter and was really fizzy. Like a cross between backwash and seltzer water.

BA: Mouthfeel – Pretty full-bodied for a lager. Nothing clean or crisp here. its all saccharine stickiness, blegh!. There is an interesting bitter aftertaste, but it seems so feeble compared to the sweetness.

My review: I wanted to spit it out, but didn’t want to offend my host
I ended up drinking six of these beers and wished I hadn’t. I got a headache and wanted to pray to the porcelain God. I found out where they hawk this swill and it ends up it is a featured beer at the local Trader Joe’s. It sells for an amazing $2.99 a six pack. There you have it. Sometimes cheap is good, sometimes cheap is cheap and in this case, cheap means, come on man don’t be a cheapskate.

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