Congressional Republications recently introduced a bill that would compel U.S. citizenship to begin at conception. The new bill, the Family Patriotic Planning Act, proposes to restrict U.S. citizenship to persons who have been both conceived and born inside the United States; which they insisted would disqualify President Obama from serving as President.
Republicans denied that the bill was an attempt to embarrass President Obama; who they claim could not have been both conceived and born in the United States. Rather, sponsors said that the proposed new law was an attempt to make U.S. citizenship rights consistent with
Conservative philosophy on abortion, marriage, and harassment of prominent Democrats.
Democratic Senators immediately declared the proposed law unfair to people whose parents drink alcohol before having sex and often, cannot remember whose bedroom they slept in.
Media analysts said the proposed law would turn the United States into an international brothel. CNN predicted that millions of foreign couples would to fly to the United State just to conceive an American child.
Fox News reporters quickly pointed out that Hollywood movies have already turned the United Sates into an international brothel.
Congressman Thadieus Maxigrandon the Third of Mississippi told CNN news:
“Any foreign couple who visits this great nation to conceive an American citizen should be warned that a Gideon bible stands guard next to every hotel bed in America.”
Democrats pointed out that, in Mexico, there is a bed next to every bible.
And every year, millions of American voters fly to the Mexico just to have sex.
Feminist organizations added that each year thousands of cowardly American male chauvinists flee to countries like Thailand, and end up fathering half-American children in the process.
Tea party activists seized on the Democratic-Feminist statement as proof that Barack Obama was conceived next to a radical mosque located in the middle of an extremist Muslim country such as Somali.
A Tea Party spokesperson stood in front of the White House and told passing tourists:
“This debate clearly shows that Barack Obama’s mother fled overseas and conceived a half-American child in order to deny the American Presidency to a future American male chauvinist. I am sure she kept a copy of the Koran next to the bed, or prayer mat, where she planned and conceived her radical-sexual assault on America.”
Scholars representing seven religions, and one yoga group, responded by squatting in front of Congress and telling passing tourists: ”A pious Muslim father could never conceive of using radical-feminist sex methods to assault America.”
Democrats argued that many American Conservatives had more in common with foreign Muslims than made-and-conceived in the U.S.A. Democrats.
Congressman Maxigrandon admitted sharing some Muslim views:
“It is just like the Democrats to forget that, to most of the world’s parents, consensual sex event is not a onetime recreational thrill like a chug-and-plunge roller coaster ride or a groping stumble through the house of mirrors. Rather martial sex is a like a slow moving merry, go-round ride filled with regular cycles, ups and downs, and which occasionally produces a bewildered crying kid.”
Democrats declared themselves un-amused by the Republican carnival description of sex but; said they understood why extra-marital sex turns out to be a one-time event for most Republicans.
A Technical Fix Emerges
As the debate raged, Congressional aides burrowed into details of the proposed Patriotic Family Planning Act only to run aground on the issue of verification.
MIT’s Chromosome Lab came forward and offered to splice the letter sequence “Made in the USA” into the DNA of any Republican in Congress.
The next day, Republicans and Joe Biden proposed splicing an amendment into the Patriotic Family Planning bill that would require all American citizens to have the “Made in the USA” gene sequence spliced into their personal DNA.
The following day, Democratic detractors and Joe Biden expressed concern that, some American’s “Made in the USA” DNA sequence might mutate into a “Made in China” letter sequence.
After a week of deliberation, President Obama dropped into the fray. Descending from the Presidential helicopter, the President said that he doubted any parent had the ability to remember where their child “physically” was conceived.
Hundreds of reporters and camera crews charged forward demanding that the President come clean about where he had been conceived.
The President backed up onto the first step of the White House helicopter before answering:
“Where was I conceived? In the same place everyone else is conceived. That is, in my mother’s imagination the day after she met my father.””