Dear Friend of Weighing Instruments,

Your Society has done much to prevent violence towards scales. The rate of violent crimes against scales has drop 50% over the last 3 years with the enactment of the No Scale Thrown Away legislation. Thanks to your generous support, there are now safe houses for scales that were in danger of being thrown to their destruction from second, third and even fourth floor windows.

But the fight is not over. Did you know there are scales that, while not in danger of window flinging, are living every day in fear of the verbal abuse they receive from their owners? Some scales are so scared, they literally lose their batteries on a daily basis. What could that be like? Read this transcript, recorded by an undercover blender infiltrating the home of a known Scale Abuser who we will keep anonymous and call DH.

Blender: Psst, hey you, kitchen scale, what are you doing hiding back there behind the Rye Krisp and garbanzo beans?

DH’s Kitchen Scale: Shhhh! You’re going to help her find me. This has been a great hiding spot for months now. Those Rye Krisp expired in 2007. I think I’m safe here.

Blender: But why are you hiding? You’re a top of the line, taring digital scale. You beep, measure in metric and English, plus you’re sleek and thin.

DH’s Kitchen Scale: Tell that to DH. Did you hear what she did to the last bathroom scale? My output flickers just to think of it. I heard from the vacuum, she’s been going to meetings and isn’t throwing any more. But you should see how she treats me. It’s “Damn scale” this and “Remember the bathroom scale” that. You should see her glare.

Blender: Sounds pretty rough.

DH’s Kitchen Scale: Yeah. Every other kitchen appliance has a nickname. She jokes with all of them, but not with me. I don’t get silly stickers, songs sung to me or even a smile. I haven’t had new batteries in ages. How’s a scale supposed to survive?

You can see we still have a long way to go until the world is safe for scales. Please keep supporting our efforts with your donations and awareness efforts. We won’t stop till every scale has a place of honor in the homes of America.

– The Scale Amnesty Society is a non-denominational, non-profit, non-fat, non-existent organization. Your donations are tax deductible up to the limits of the law*.

* The Law of Gravity.