Years of living in an all male household can take a toll on a mom.
In the early years, you get through the belch battles, food fights, the peeing contests, and protect the ants phase. You come up with your own tricks to blend in and survive it all.
And in my efforts to bond with the boys, I learned to shoot a few hoops, boot a soccer ball, and shag baseballs. I got really good at coaching from the Little League stands until my husband not so nicely reminded me that I was not the coach. I even got the hang of baiting my own fish hook without hurling. Just because I pierced my hubby’s ear a time or two with an out of control cast was no reason for them to sneak off fishing without me.
I even survived my tour of duty with driving lessons. No police chases or heart attacks. Though I did need blood pressure meds after they became licensed drivers. And when the boys started dating? I was thrilled to have a girl in the mix. When things didn’t work out, I only cried a little after they told me, “Get over her, Mom.”
But this? I don’t see bonding in our future.
I admit it. I’m “technically challenged,” as my guys have graciously dubbed me. So what if I have a little trouble with the digital camera or am clueless about programming the VCR or operating the universal remote. Who needs an ATM card? Sheesh, I mastered writing a check long ago. I’ve gotten by.
I’m not sure about this though.
Husband and sons have invaded my writing space. My computer, at least I think that’s what it is, is in pieces. The three of them surround my desk like a pit crew at the Daytona 500.
“Man, this thing must have moved like a slug,” says Son#1, “How could she stand it?”
“Yeah, we’re gonna have it cruising with this new processor,” chimes in Son#2.
“Once we replace the mother board, increase her memory to two GIGS, this baby will sing,” hubby pipes up.
“And don’t forget we need to flash the BIOS, install the stealth fan.”
Mother Board? Stealth Fan? Flash the BIOS? I envision a board of directors headed by mothers armed with aprons. Stealth fan? Is this anything like the Stealth Bomber? Flash the BIOS? Hey, no streaking allowed!
I don’t think this is what they have in mind.
I zone out, catching bits and pieces of their techno speak “Increase her memory, audio codecs, e-mail program, manage her identities, switch and log off.”
Increase my memory, switch identities? I perk up at the sounds of that. I definitely need more memory and have many days when I’d like to switch identities.
The guys pull me into their huddle.
“Hey Mom, you’re gonna love this upgrade. You’ll be surfing the net faster than Bill Gates can make money.”
“Yeah Mom, and guess what else? Check it out. We all chipped in. Your new cell phone. It’s equipped with a 2 Megapixel camera, video capture, MP3 player, appointment calendar, and Bluetooth. You can text us and …”
“Mom? What’s the matter? Can you hear me…?