The National Association of Organizations and Alliances (NAOA) released a report today stating that there are now over 1.5 million organizations, associations, alliances and research think tanks in the United States. This is up 6% from last year’s study done by the now defunct National Alliance of Associations and Organizations (NAAO) which when formed in 1956 was known as the Alliance of National Organizations and Associations (ANOA).
“We were stunned at the sheer number of groups that have formed in the just the last 12 months,” said NAOA president Mortimer Frangelica. “The number of think tanks has gone down as the country gets dumber but organizations and alliances are way up.” Frangelica believes this is a positive step towards every citizen in the United States belonging to an organization of some kind, be they elderly, adult, newborn or womb-state. “It’s important to belong to a group, even if you don’t like the other members or believe in their ideals. We have to keep the practice of forming and joining groups alive.”
The 1.5 million number, however, is being disputed by General Howland Misercordia of the American Alliance of Associations and Organizations (AAAO). “Our research shows a clear drop in the formation of new groups over the past 24 months. It’s very discouraging.” The General went on to say that his organization has been starting a grass roots campaign to encourage people to form groups of any kind. “We feel it’s a valuable activity and would like to see it grow again.”
Not everyone agrees with the sentiments of Frangelica and Misercordia. Franklin Pophound, founder of the Mid-Atlantic Alliance for Organizational Group Formation (MAAOGF) believes there are already too many formal organizations in the United States. “It’s ridiculous. My damn kids are filing paperwork as we speak for a new alliance and they’re 7 and 9.”
The situation is much the same on the west coast. Genera Fizzy, founder and Imperial Grand Lady for Eternity of the Pacific Organization for Alliances, Groups and Research Facilities (POAGRF) told us that her organization is losing membership on a monthly basis to other groups. “My vice-admiral and husband denounced my organization to form his own non-functioning, non-profit, nonsensical group, the Alliance for the Alliance of All Alliances (AAAA). Now who’s going to bring the muffins on meeting night?” The AAAA’s founder, Iz Fizzy was not available for comment as he was purchasing cupcakes for his own group’s meeting.
Another sticking point is receiving assistance from the federal government. Melissa Hayseed and Gordon Spub, co-creators of the Alliance for Associations, Organizations, Foundations, Think Tanks, Research Funds and Charitable Trusts (AAOFTTRFCT) believe that only a group with a clear charter should be given government grants. “There are so many fly-by-night organizations applying for grants that there isn’t enough money left for legitimate groups like ours,” Spub said. Added his partner, “We started AAOFTTRFCT out of my garage and now we meet in a Dairy Queen. That’s legitimacy.”
But newly formed and smaller groups argue they need the grant money to survive and grow. Donald Pestilence, creator of the Midwest South Regional Alliance for Missouri Organizations, Groups, Associations and All Things Not Arkansas (MSRAMOGAATNA) lobbies for increased grant money. “For associations and organizations to expand, both in number and size, we need funds. Our members can only provide so much. Without government subsidies my group will disappear just like my childhood after school club the Organizational Associated Alliance of Amalgamated Partnerships (OAAAP).”
On the other end of the spectrum, with a membership of over 35 thousand, the largest group of its kind in America is of course The National United American Organization for the Alliance and Association of Foundations, Funds, Charities, Trusts, Research Grants, Think Tanks, Booster Clubs, Shriners and Circus Performers (NUAOAAFFCTRGTTBCSCP). President Lafferty O’Gilligan declined to comment for this article.